Final Entry

June 10^th, 2037

2350

Dear Earth Diary

After all this time. I’m home.

The place looks pretty much as I left it, aside from a layer of dust and some milk I rather unfortunately forgot was in the fridge before I left.

Oh, and several hundred discarded wooden crates in my front lawn. My neighbour is less than impressed.

Firstly, they’re an eyesore. Secondly, he had to sign for them as Mary had neglected to select “No signature required” when altering the addresses. And thirdly, he thought I was dead and was starting to slowly take over my backyard. He even put up a swing set.

I had a go. Quite fun.

The Marys had been installed in a fallout shelter that had remained dormant ever since nuclear war didn’t happen, which on the whole was a plus for everyone. Fairly utilitarian but then much comfier than a cloning vat or a wooden crate so I imagine it was a step up for them. They were arguing with a government social worker about trying to establish contact with the Marys on Splat. The social worker was understandably not especially versed in interstellar communication so it was a fruitless but determined argument on both sides.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen to them, but their optimism is infectious once you’re back on solid non-pink ground. I really hope they make it. I’ll help if I can.

Mary herself was taken away by the medical staff when we arrived. I’m told she should be alright, but that she’s lost a lot of blood and has been through a lot, so it’s anyone’s guess as to when and how she wakes up. They seemed pretty certain on the ‘if’ though which is arguably the main thing.

Mary Sixty-Seven seemed pretty set on that drink. Who knows, maybe I’ll go. I think I’ve had my fill of Marys for a little while though. I’ve got her number.

The government officials that met us at the shelter quarantined everything from off world that we had on us. I chose not to tell them about Mr Rock. His smile says he agrees with me. God, I hate that smile.

So… now what? I really don’t know what I should be doing.

RING RING

That’s weird. Why is my phone ringing? Who rings a dead person at this time of night?

...Er, hello?

“Hi. It’s me.”

Who’s me?

“Mary.”

Which one?

“The Mary.”

…You’re awake?

“No this is all just a dream.”

Mine or yours?

“I’m really hoping yours, because if I’m a figment of your imagination I won’t have to remember this conversation.”

How are you feeling?

“Like hell. Absolute hell. But I’m awake. And apparently stable, whatever that means.”

I’m really happy to hear that.

“I’m glad you’re at home. Will you come visit us tomorrow? This might sound weird but I’m kind of used to having you around.

Listen. Can you do me a favour?”

Of course! What?

“Shut up.”

Good idea.

The End

230th Entry

June 10^th, 2037

1833

Dear Earth Diary

So. I have some questions if you don’t mind.

“Fire away.”

Where are we going.

“Somewhere safe.”

What will happen when we get there?

“We’ll be safe.”

Is Mary ok?

“She’s concerned at your use of the third instead of the second person , but yes I’m fine, thanks.”

Not you. I mean Mary.

“But I am Mary.”

You’re a Mary. I mean the Mary.

“Oh Mary-Zero. I don’t know. I hope so. We’ll be able to look after her properly once we arrive.”

Mary-Zero?

“That’s what we decided to call her. We had a meeting after we all woke up. Well, many meetings. But in one of them we decided since we all looked alike, numbers were the best way to keep track of each other. It was either that or pick new names, but we all fought over who got to be called Mary, so numbers it is.”

And what’s your number?

“I am Mary-Sixty-Seven.”

Pleased to meet you.

“Likewise, I’m sure.”

How did you decide on numbers?

“An ancient decision-making method.”

Which is?

“I believe the most common name for it is ‘Eenie-meanie.”

Ah. Ok, another question then. How do you know who I am.

“Oh that’s easy. Mary gave us a copy of your recordings.”

Er, all of them?

“I believe she may have edited for time.”

Yes.

“Rather a lot.”

Yes, thank you.

“Anyway, we know pretty much everything there is to know about you, and what you did. So, you know. Thanks.”

You’re welcome.

“I’d love to hear the bits I missed sometime. You’ll have to buy me a drink.”

Er, certainly. Um, you are considerably younger than I am…

“I feel older. That has to count for something.”

Perhaps. We’ll see.

“I volunteered to pick you up. Wanted to meet you in person.”

And?

“Shorter.”

Ah. So… what happens from here? For you, for Mary, for all the Marys. For me.

“We’re working on that. But I don’t see any immediate threat. NASA is in no condition to launch another ship right now even if they wanted to. So all we need to do here on Earth is stay out of the way and be prepared to fight. There’s dozens of us, it’d take some effort for them to lock us back in those crates. Especially with the world watching.”

The world?

“People have been getting your recordings out. Pretty much everyone knows what NASA’s owners were up to. Almost impossible for them to try again now. We’re too famous.”

But what about you all? You’re not exactly US citizens.

“We’re working on that. Representatives have contacted us. It’s been a bit legally difficult to get asylum given we have no country of origin, but smarter Marys than I seem quite confident.”

…And what about me?

“Well that’s up to you. You can stay with us, we’d love to have you. Or, I guess there’s nothing stopping you from going home.”

Home?

“It’s quite nice.”

…What?

229th Entry

June 10^th, 2037

1515

Dear Earth Diary

Mary, are you dead?

If you aren’t dead then please answer.

If you are dead… well.

I have so many questions. How did you know when the pod would land. Why did you tell me to look for a star? You wouldn’t be able to see the pod from the surface.

Was that poetry, Mary? Because I’m getting really sick of poetry. Also of you being dead.

So stop it.

1517

Okay, new plan. You: just lie there. Me: I’ll get us out of here. If you agree, lie there unconscious.

Excellent.

1518

There’s nothing useful in the pod. It survived the crash pretty well, which I guess is not all that surprising given it was designed with the express purpose of smashing into things.

The… mastermind, I guess, was not as equally well designed. I should send a note to the designer.

‘Dear Mrs. Mastermind,’ ok you know what this is not the time for my usual tangents.

Nothing in the pod. It’s full of rocks just like we left it. Except it seems that Mary strapped Mr. Rock to the driver’s seat. His smile is as irritating as ever.

Guess you’re coming with me, Mr. Rock. I forgot to buy a postcard so you’ll do.

Ok, well, I guess I should just… leave.

1520

Please don’t take this the wrong way, Mary, but you’re pretty heavy. To carry, anyway.

…Was kind of hoping you’d be so insulted you’d come back to life and berate me.

No? Ok then.

1530

I kind of wish we had a map.

1533

Think I’ve been down this corridor before.

Oh dear, just stepped in the Mastermind. Yes, I’ve definitely been here before.

Ew.

1540

Well I found the lifts. That’s something. And they still seem to be working too, which is a definite plus. There’s a sign that reads “Do not use in an emergency,” but given the emergency is I’m carrying a heavy person, I’m inclined to overlook it.

1543

I hate lift music.

Oh. it’s stopped. And now everything is creaking.

SNAP

Uh oh.

1548

Lift less working than I thought it was. So on the downside, I’m now four levels lower than when I started.

On the upside, everyone who was previously conscious and/or not a rock is still as such. It’s the little things.

1555

At last, the stairs. At least these can’t break.

1559

The stairs broke. Now five levels lower than when I started.

1623

Ok so I eventually tracked down the fire escape, which was made of a far less breaky material, probably because it was expressly designed for emergencies.

Also I’ve gotten my exercise for the rest of my life so that will free up some time.

But I’m on the ground floor at last. And the front door is right over there. Daylight at last.

No guards. Guess they fled. Smart people.

But… I don’t know where to go, or how –

“Oh good! You’re here. Finally.”