Seventy-Fourth Entry

March 15^th, 2037

1130

Dear Space Diary.

Digging continues slowly. We’ve cleared out the top of my spaceship. Was a happy moment just to see it again. Lots more work to go before we can actually get in to the ship, but at least we’re making progress.

Mary continues to complain about, well, everything. That her hands are sore. That we’re not taking enough breaks. That we’re not going fast enough (largely because we’re taking too many breaks). That digging is boring. That I’m stupid. That the spaceship is stupid. That pink is a stupid colour.

“That you keep narrating everything you do.”

…That I keep narrating everything I do. Really wish they’d sent Bobo the Wonder Dog instead of me. At least he could have played fetch with the lightdogs.

“And he would have smelt better.”

Sigh.

1222

Reached the top of the windscreen.

1244

There’s Mr Rock! I can see him sitting contentedly on the floor of the ship.

“You have a pet rock. And you named him Mr Rock?”

…Nice to have some intelligent company at last.

“Hey!”

Mary appears to be a 40 year old mind, trapped in the body of a 24 year old, trapped in the hormones of a 17 year old. It’s an amusing combination.

From a distance.

She’s got a good throwing arm though. Ow.

Come on, let’s get on with it.

1355

We’ve managed to dig out a furrow to the door, meaning we can now just pry the door open, although not enough for me to fit through. There’s not really a lot in there beyond Mr Rock and the remains of several hundred paper cranes, but it feels oddly comforting to no longer be separated from my ship.

It’ll probably take another week to clear out the rest of the ship, and then another day after that to push it out, but unless anyone has a better idea –

“I have a better idea.”

Unless anyone else has a better idea, then I suppose –

“No, really. I know a way to get it out of there in about five minutes. And I’m not digging for another week. Really. Not going to happen.”

Dreading asking you this, but ok Mary. What’s your great idea?

“Simple. I read your logs. We do what we do when you were trapped in the hole you crashed into. We fly it out.”

That didn’t work so great last time, Mary. What makes you think this time will be better?

‘Simple. This time I’ll be piloting it.”

…There’s no way you’re piloting my ship.

“You took MY ship without asking. Fair’s fair.”

I’m really not sure this is a good idea. Last time I was in the empty wilderness. We’re in a city this time. You could hit a building.

“You already knocked over one building. And you blew up the roof, so I’ve a clear shot out. Besides, you’re too fat to fit through the door.”

I liked her better when she was a skeleton.

Seventy-Third Entry

March 15^th, 2037

0733

Dear Space Diary.

Had a pretty bad dream last night. Dreamed the lightdogs all came back and attacked us, and then I was back on Earth as if I’d never left.

First time I’ve dreamt of home in a while. Must be Mary’s fault.

“Hey!”

Mary’s bruise has healed up nicely. She still thinks it’s weird that I’m running this log (she has no desire to talk to NASA at all), but she’s very keen to help get me home. I, for my part, am very much looking forward to getting out of here and never seeing her again.

She’s making faces at me now. Such a teenager.

Actually, her age is a bit of a sticking point, and she’s a weirded out by it as I am. Mary lasted 20 years in space before landing on Splat, and a couple of years marooned before I turned up. So she’d be about 40 now, and a good 7 years my senior. Yet she looks not more than 21-22. So the only ageing she’s done has been since she landed.

I didn’t see any sign of a suspended animation device on the Zubrin that she could have used. Either she’s got a really good anti-ageing cream, or…?

“I’ve told you. No idea. Maybe I just look good for 40.”

Or maybe she just looked really bad at 18…

“I still owe you a punch, you know.”

Jokes and violence aside, Mary and I are going to try and dig my spaceship out this morning.

Today’s going to be a good day.

0800

Say what else you like about Mary and her magical non-ageing powers, she’s a good lifter.

We couldn’t wedge the shovel under the Zubrin as the ground is simply too crumbly, but we managed between us to roll the Zubrin to the side. Let’s hear it for cylindrical space ships.

The crashes emanating from inside the Zubrin indicate we may have wanted to bolt a few things down before rolling it.

0840

Finally cleaned up everything inside. Told Mary the story of being trapped under the cupboard and using the food paste to pry it off.

Mary thought that was just about the worst escape plan she had ever heard of.

I pointed out that it worked, and she pointed out that I had covered myself in nutritional paste.

Then she asked if I had eaten the paste afterwards.

1040

Two hours hard digging and we’ve made little progress. Not only is the ground crumbly, it seems very disinclined to stay on a shovel. If you’re not careful with the angle, it slides right off the shovel and back into the hole you just dug it out of.

Mary is of the opinion that I’m not careful with the angle.

I’m of the opinion that Mary is a stuck up brat. Still, 20 years in space is a pretty good excuse for being a bit narky.

And yes, I’m recording this out of ear shot.

Bonus Entry: April Fools 2012

April 1^st, 2037

0800

Dear Space Diary.

Been over two weeks since Mary turned up. Since then, things have gone from bad to worse.

The lightdogs returned about a week ago, and boy, they weren’t happy. I’ve never seen a faceless hovering ball of light get angry before, but now I can add that to the list of “Things I have seen, but wish I had not.”

That list is a lot larger than I’d like.

We had just dug down to my spaceship when they attacked. Tight squeeze to fit us both in but it seemed the safest place, being somewhat underground.

The first explosion knocked the Zubrin right on top of us, pushing us down even further.

So now we’re considerably underground.

It’s hard to tell, but from the explosions over the past week I think the lightdogs have been trying to blast us out. The blasts only seem to be punching the Zubrin further into the ground, and us with it.

They gave that up yesterday. Been quiet since then.

No idea why the lightdogs have turned on us. Mary says she doesn’t know, but I think she knows more than she’s staying.

“I’m right here, you know.”

At least Mr Rock is here to keep us company.

Wait, what’s that?

0805

I think that’s cutting lasers. They’re cutting through the Zubrin to get to us.

…Why didn’t they think of that earlier?

Stupid Lightdogs.

0810

They’re almost through. I can see the glow of the lasers.

0815

Part of the Zubrin fell away. Dozens of lightdogs are looming above us.

There’s no escape.

I messaged NASA days ago. They haven’t responded. I don’t know what to do, but I’ve kept sending the logs in the hope that they think of something. We’re out of ideas.

I… think this may be it.

Mary seems quite serene.

“I am serene. I know we’re going to be ok. I’ve got friends of mine coming.

What, who’s coming. Who are your friends?

“You’d like them. They’re just like me.”

What? I don’t know what you –

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

__

WE’VE FOUND A SOLUTION TO YOUR PREDICAMENT.

__

<END TRANSMISSION>

Great! NASA to the rescue! What’s the solution?

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

YOU NEED TO WAKE UP.

<END TRANSMISSION>

I don’t understand, what do you mean wake… wait, how did you respond straight away? No time delay?

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP @@@DHFKSDAS:SK@!1k@

Fzzt.

“Hey! Wake up!”

“Hello?”

7:00am

I wake up in bed, my wife next to me. I don’t… but I… how did I get?

“There you are. Thought you were going to sleep in. Come on, we’re late for breakfast. Are you ready?”

My God, she’s so beautiful. I’ve missed her so much.

“Are you alright?”

I can’t help but smile. “Yeah I’m alright. I had the most terrible dream…”

THE END.

Seventy-Second Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1930

Dear Space Diary.

Everything’s a little calmer now. It’s been an interesting hour.

On the upside, I’ve run into Mary, the poor girl sent deliberately to Mars and accidentally here, who everyone thought must be dead. That’s a win. Especially for her.

On the downside, her entrance was rather shocking and unexpected.

I may have punched her in the face a little.

She took the punch quite well. In both senses. I think she realises that sneaking up behind someone who doesn’t know you’re alive is not necessarily the best of ideas.

Mary explained some of what had happened to her while I was searching for an ice pack. I couldn’t find one, so in the end I put some food paste in a towel and wrapped it up tight. That stuff is bloody cold.

It did the trick, there doesn’t seem to be any bruising. She’s taking a shower now to wash the paste off.

She doesn’t remember a whole lot of the voyage itself after her final log to NASA, it had all kind of blurred together. The first proper thing she can remember is the crash itself, which was as memorable as crashing into planets usually is. Which is to say, very memorable.

The lightdogs were triggered by the crash, and a few hours after landing all got up and left, leaving her alone.

Two weeks later she got up the courage to venture out and follow them. I assume she brought a space suit, or the lead in the atmosphere would have finished her off.

After several days of walking, she found the beginnings of the city.

Excited, she hiked back to the Zubrin, and managed to pilot it into the city, where she planned to wait for any rescue from NASA.

Whereupon a yellow lightdog promptly towed the ship away and threw it in the garbage.

And she’s been stranded in the city ever since. Until I arrived.

She was very grateful to find her ship had been brought back. Even more grateful to learn that rescue is in fact on the way. She’s even less keen on dealing with NASA than I am, but after 15 years adrift and 2 years marooned, she’s very ready to go home.

She was a bit miffed that I took the batteries out of SupaNovey though. We’ll have to disagree on that one.

There are some things I still don’t understand, like where the lightdogs went, why Mary still looks so young (she doesn’t look older than mid-twenties), and near the top of the list, whose skeleton I’ve been sharing a ship with (Mary has no idea either, she suggested a stow away, but 20 years is a lot of stowing).

But I’m just about ready to file those in the “no longer care” box. Mary’s going to help dig out my spaceship from under the Zubrin and then I can finally go home.

It’s nice that -

“Do you always talk to yourself?”

Seventy-First Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1800

Dear Space Diary.

I think I’ve finally found my spaceship. The tracking device is going mental.

Only problem is, it’s going mental whenever I point it straight down.

At the floor.

Which is down.

Where it usually is.

Mind you, everything is REALLY crumbly around here. The lightdogs were building to Mars specifications when they made this city. Sadly Splat’s building materials didn’t really measure up to the job.

I’ve already knocked down a building just by running through the wrong wall. And I know I’ve probably gained a few pounds, but I still weigh a LOT less than your average spaceship.

It’s entirely possible that my spaceship got sucked up the recycling tube, spat out onto the floor, promptly smashed right through the floor, and then got freshly plastered over by an oh so helpful blue lightdog. Possibly even the very one that was trying to repair the roof.

I feel better about throwing rocks at it now.

And then the Zubrin didn’t share the same fate… because it landed on top of my spaceship.

So I have two problems.

One. My spaceship is currently buried in a pink cement floor.

Second. My spaceship is under another spaceship.

I should probably solve those in reverse order.

1806

Urrrrgggggghhhh! Hynnnnnnnnnh! Yeeeeeeeeuuuurrrraaggghg!

It’s no good. I can’t shift it.

Gravity is less on Splat than on Earth. I could roll my spaceship around with a good enough push, but the Zubrin is more than double the size, with such luxuries as a shower and more than one room. There’s no way I could move it on my own.

Ok, let’s tackle them in sequential order instead.

1815

Well, say what else you like about NASA and their strange packing plans, they have at least helped me now. Found a shovel in cupboard number 2.

Oh, and a supply of fresh batteries.

You could have mentioned that before, guys.

Oh well, at least if I run out I have more. I could even put some batteries back into Supernovey.

I could. But I won’t.

So, as soon as I work out a way to get the Zubrin out of the way, I can at least have my ship dug out in a couple of days.

Sounds like a fun way to spend the weekend.

1820

Back outside. Seeing if I can wedge the shovel in under the Zubrin and lever it out of the way. Think it’s still going to be too heavy, but I should at least try.

1823

This floor is weak. Like, really weak. It crumbles pretty much as soon as I touch it with the shovel. Can’t get a good hold under the Zubrin.

CLANG

…but it just hit something metal under the floor. Man that’s a good sound. My ship really is down there.

Heavy be damned, I HAVE to get the Zubrin off there. I’m so close to freedom!

Ok, slide the shovel under, and, then carefully, carefully…

“Need a hand?”

…Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Seventieth Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1540

Dear Space Diary.

Just put the SuperNovey^TM batteries into the tracker. Even if this doesn’t work, at least it’ll shut that thing up. Either way, I consider this a win.

1542

Come on, come on…

1543

Lights are flashing.

1557

Green light is on! No red light though. Hope my ship’s not out of range. I’ll never find it then. How far could it have gone? It’s not like it could have flown itself.

But somebody else could have…

Hmmm.

Ok, less overreacting. It’s probably just far away.

1558

Oh hang on, it just flashed. Once.

1559

And it’s gone again.

1600

Back.

1601

Gone.

1602

Back. My ship must be really far away.

Waving the tracker around a bit. Nothing. Odd. It’s meant to turn on and stay on if I’m facing the right direction.

Maybe I need to get closer. Guess I better starting walking.

1610

This city is actually pretty creepy without all the lightdogs. Well, it was creepy before. But now it’s extra creepy. Whole place is empty. Like a ghost town.

Note to self. Do not use word “ghost.” Ever. Again.

1620

Been walking in a straight line.

Nothing. No response from the tracker. Green light is on so I know it’s talking to the satellite. Red light isn’t flashing at all now.

Ok, left turn.

1625

Nope. Another Left.

1630

It’s on! The red light is on! I better test it.

Aim to the left, red light goes off.

Aim back straight ahead, light back on.

To the right. Off.

Back to centre.

On.

It’s found it! I just have to keep walking and it will lead me…

1650

…right back to where I started.

I don’t. Believe this. I launch a satellite, I nearly blow myself up a couple of times, I DID blow up a roof, and I stole batteries from an officially licensed NASA product, and for what?

In order to find my way back to the ship I was already in.

Outstanding. Just. Outstanding.

That’s ok. Keep calm. You’ll find another way.

1652

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

1702

Ok. I’m sane again.

1708

Messaged NASA and asked them why off Earth they would program a lightdog to track the ship I HAD ALREADY FOUND. Their response better be a good one.

1740

INCOMING TRANSMISSION

__

THE ZUBRIN DOESN’T HAVE A TRACKING DEVICE.

THIS IS WHY WE SENT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF WE HAD A TRACKING DEVICE ON THE ZUBRIN, WE WOULD HAVE SENT BOBO THE WONDER DOG INSTEAD OF YOU. HE’S BETTER BEHAVED. WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK WE HAD PETA BAN ANIMALS IN SPACE FLIGHT?

I’M GOING HOME FOR THE NIGHT. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP.

…YOU’LL NOTICE THERE WASN’T A BEEP.

__

END TRANSMISSION

1745

…NASA are as charming as always.

But I don’t get it. If not the Zubrin, what is it tracking?

1750

That’s weird. The Tracking device is going mental. But it’s pointing straight…

…Down.

Sixty-Ninth Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1340

Dear Space Diary.

What, would you say, is the most pressing concern if you’re stranded on an alien planet with a mysterious city, a skeleton suffering an identity crisis, a large amount of (currently absent) maintenance robots, and a missing spaceship?

Food? Water?

As it turns out, no. The Zubrin has both in near infinite supply. As long as you don’t mind paste.

Heat?

Again, spaceship. Or indeed spacesuit. Even if I were stuck outside, it’s not especially cold out. Quite pleasant.

Except for the lead based atmosphere. That’s less pleasant.

So what’s my most pressing concern? Batteries.

Yup.

1400

And we don’t seem to have any. At all. Without them, I can’t track down the location of my missing ship.

The only thing around that I’ve seen with batteries are the lightdogs, and they’ve all gone walkies and I haven’t seen any in ages. Apart from two. One of those I brainwashed and sent into orbit. The other I threw a rock at.

So my track record there isn’t brilliant.

1410

Asked NASA if we have any batteries. While I wait, I’m having a hunt through the cupboard.

1415

Wow, NASA really packs a lot of junk on their missions.

So far, I’ve found.

An Exercise Bike

An issue of SPACE! – The Official NASA Inflight Magazine, dated February 29^th, 2010

A collection of herbal shampoos

A plush toy of SuperNovey^TM, NASA’s official mascot

24 Notepads

No Pens

Great collection, NASA. Really. Great.

1417

Actually the shampoos look rather good.

1425

Had a bit of a scout round the cargo bay in the hope that one of the lightdogs got left behind when they all switched on, but no luck there.

Even if I had a charger that’d be something, but can’t find one anywhere. I think there’s a power socket around here somewhere.

Hmm. Wonder how they expected anyone to use the exercise bike in zero gravity. Must have been for when Mary landed.

1500

No response from NASA yet. They’re normally pretty punctual.

When they feel like it.

Which is almost never.

Still, I’m hoping they’ve put the batteries in some obscure place I haven’t looked yet, so at least I won’t feel so bad for not finding it.

1530

Still no response.

On the plus side, this Inflight Magazine is actually better than I thought it would be.

Suppose there’s nothing else to do but sit down and read.

SQUEAK

Whoops, just sat on SuperNovey.

…The question I have to ask at this point though is why would you make a toy Supernova that squeaks?

Actually, why would you make a toy Supernova?

Hmm. It has a button that says “Press Me.”

Hard to argue with that.

1532

Wow. It just told me its name was SuperNovey, that it saw great things in the stars for me, and that SuperNovey is trademarked internationally.

Ugh.

Oh, and now it’s telling me I should donate to NASA.

Stupid gimmicky battery powered piece of…

1535

YES!

Sixty-Eighth Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1201

Dear Space Diary.

They'll have to come up with a new definition of “bad” to describe the luck that I'm having.

All I want to do is launch one little GPS tracking satellite using only duct tape and salvaged robotics. Is that too much to ask?

Less monologue, more action! One more beep and that missile's out of here!

Just have to hope I can reach it in time.

CLICK

Argh! That light's bright. Still, the lightdog's on. And it seems signal based lightdogs are purple.

No time, just jump in a direction. Any direction.

Need to get far enough -

BEEP.

…

FWOOSH

1203

Can see again. And it's off. The missile is shooting into the atmosphere as I watch. Due to the low gravity, it'll get a lot further than on Earth. On Earth it wouldn't even get halfway, but here, it'll get to low orbit before it runs out of fuel.

I hope.

Or possibly it'll get too far, drift into space, and I'll be able to have years of fun tracking it as it drifts further and further away and I'm stuck here searching for a spaceship in a giant pink haystack.

1206

I really do have a knack with this whole worst case scenario thing don't I.

1215

Can't see the missile anymore. Hard to tell, anyway. The sun's pretty bright.

I've been looking over the tracking device. Aside from it's worrying similarity to a remote control for a toy car it looks fairly straightforward. A red light flashes when there's an active tracking signal nearby, and stays on when I'm pointing directly at it. Next to it is a green light if it has a current connection to the GPS. There are two levers I can twiddle to try to adjust the signal if required.

Effectively as follows:

Green light on. Good.

Green light off. Bad.

Red light on: Very good.

Red light flashing: Kinda good.

Red light off: Bad.

Both lights off: Check batteries.

I've just put in the batteries from the lightdog I destroyed while it was helpfully trying to repair the roof. I did try and fix it, but it seems I hit it good and proper, no turning it off and on again for Blue.

Feel pretty bad about that, actually. I killed it.

And no other lightdogs around to repair the roof, so looks like the sun roof is staying.

Note to self: stop destroying things.

1220

Let's give it a shot. No idea how long it'll take for the satellite to reach orbit, but I'm getting bored and I don't feel like lunch yet, so let's try.

1222

Turned it on. Both lights flashed on, paused, then turned off again. Green light is blinking occasionally.

Guess there's no signal yet.

1230

Nothing.

1240

Still nothing. Going to eat.

1254

A signal! The satellite is working! Green is on! Green is on! Green is... fading?

1255

Fading.

1256

Off.

1258

Batteries are flat.

...Sigh.

Sixty-Seventh Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1152

Dear Space Diary.

About to have defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. My makeshift satellite is ready for launch. in fact it's in the process of launching.

The lightdog I strapped to it has been reprogrammed to broadcast and receive tracking signals from a tracking device I found in the supply cupboard, in effect making it both a tracker and a GPS.

Combined with it's soon to be new home in near orbit, this will hopefully lead me straight to the tracking signal emitting from my spacecraft, last seen disappearing up a giant metal tube and ending up... somewhere around here. But I don't know where. Given how crumbly everything is, combined with a mindless unstoppable cleaning crew, normal barriers such as walls or clear entry and exit points don't especially apply. My ship could literally be right under my nose and I'd never know it.

So launching this missile is about the best and only chance of finding my ship this decade.

And that bloody blue lightdog is about to block up the hole the missile needs to go launch through!

BEEP.

That's 5 beeps. Halfway to launch. Blue is about a third of the way through repairing the roof.

It's doing quite a good job, I can barely tell the roof had ever been destroyed after Blue's passed over it. I'd commend it if I wasn't trying to kill it.

That's a bit extreme. I don't want to kill Blue.

Just maim it.

1155

BEEP.

6 beeps. It's halfway through repairing the roof. I've moved the missile across to the far end of the hole, but he's going to finish before the 10^th and final beep.

I don't know how to stop it though. It's too high to climb, and by the time I found a way up there, it'll probably be next week. I could just blow the roof over again, but I don't want to waste the last missile.

Also I really don't want to keep pulling missiles out of rocket launchers. Like, really not.

So what do I do? I can't just throw rocks at it.

...Actually that's probably my best shot. Where's a rock?

1157

BEEP

About two thirds across now, with three beeps to go.

Broke a few of chunks off the building outside the door. City was still deserted. Blue seems to be the last lightdog around. Joy.

I hope I can do this in three throws. I don't have time to find more.

Ok, throw number 1.

...that was terrible. Hit the roof. I'm not even going to count that one. Try again.

Throw number 1.

...Ok, that was better. Actually went through the hole. The low gravity helps.

Still missed, though.

Throw 2.

BEEP

Blast! The beep made me jump. Missed again.

Last one. Throw 3.

...YES! TOUCH DOWN! HOME RUN! SPORTS METAPHORS!

Clean thwacked Blue with the chunk. It's totally disabled.

BEEP

One more beep and...

...I haven't turned the lightdog back on yet.

Sixty-Sixth Entry

March 14^th, 2037

1000

Dear Space Diary.

Heading back to the Zubrin. Been a bit of a trek but it looks like I’m almost ready to... Hey! Come back!

1015

Blasted thing. A yellow lightdog must have found my missile and was busily carting it away, presumably to the rubbish pit. I can only imagine what would have happened when it merrily tossed it away.

Got it back. The lightdog resisted a couple of times, then gave up and is heading away. I’m guessing to the other lightdogs. It looks like there are a few stragglers around though finishing up other tasks. I should keep an eye out. Don’t really want anything unexpected to happen while messing around with the missile.

1025

Ok, back outside the Zubrin. Setting up the launch site.

Step 1: Duct tape lightdog to the missile.

Done.

Step 2: Reprogram lightdog with the USB data NASA provided.

Hmm. Appear to have taped over the USB slot. Oops.

1027

Ok, Step One: Un-duct tape lightdog from the missile.

Done.

Step 2: Reprogram lightdog with the USB data NASA provided.

Done.

Step 3: Re-duct tape lightdog to the missile.

Done.

1035

Right. Now it gets a little dangerous.

Step 4: DO NOT PRESS THE ARM BUTTON.

Done.

Step 5: Stand missile upright.

Done.

Step 6: Press the launch button.

Done.

Step 7: Stand back.

And... done!

It’s beeping away merrily. As soon as it reaches ten beeps, it’ll fire straight upwards.

...Into the roof.

...Bugger.

Step 8: QUICKLY PRESS THE LAUNCH BUTTON TO CANCEL.

Done. And just in time.

Ok, I have to get outside somehow.

...But I’m pretty sure the entire city is sealed under the dome. I haven’t seen a single door in my travels. The only way out is down the tubes, and I have nowhere near that much time or patience to trek all the way back to the rubbish pit.

If only the roof opened. This room is sealed from the main city, wouldn’t cause any damage if the roof wasn’t there.

...wouldn’t cause any damage, huh?

1103

Can’t believe I’m doing this again. Reaching into the missile launcher, trying to pull out another missile. This’d be a lot easier if NASA had just designed these things to fire upwards. Sigh.

1130

Never doing that again. I hope. But I got another one out.

Ok, let’s launch this... hmm.

1138

Moved the lightdog/missile inside. Don’t want it being hit by anything.

Now, step 1: Stand the missile upright.

Step 2: Press the Arm button.

Step 3: Freak out a little.

Step 4: Press Launch Button.

Step 5: Run and hide in the corner.

FWOOOOSH...

BANG

Man that’s loud when you’re this close. But the roof is, well gone. Completely. I’m looking up at the sky right now.

1145

Step 1: ...oh forget it. Step 1: Do everything I need to do.

1150

Done!

Missile is beeping slowly. At 10 it’ll launch. 2, 3, 4...

1151

...BLUE!

...DON’T YOU DARE REPAIR THAT ROOF!