April 10th, 2037
1331
Dear Space Diary
What did you say?
“They launched. Around 1ish. It went quite well.”
I missed it!
“Probably why it went quite well.”
How could you launch the ships without me?
“They were ready, so we launched them. We didn’t think there was much
reason to waste time, given it’s a defence system.”
…I’m really quite hurt. I need to go.
“And sulk?”
No. I’m a man. Men don’t sulk.
1423
“Finished sulking yet?”
…Yes.
“Good. Come take a look at this.”
What am I looking at?
“Star chart of Marysvilletopia’s solar system.”
And what’s that big thing in the middle?
“Most people would call that the sun.”
None of this chart is labelled.
“It’s a star. It looks like a star. And it’s on something called a Star
Chart. Anyway, this line here is the Zubrin, and this line here is your ship.”
And where are we?
“We’re on a spaceship.”
…Where are we on the chart?
“We’re not. We’ve been rocketing away at lightspeed. We’d be about…
here.”
The coffee pot?
“Astronomically speaking, yes.”
And where’s Earth?
“Umm… the toilet.”
Astronomically –
“- Speaking, yes.”
Hang on, so we’re the coffee pot, and this line is my pod, so that
means… it’s heading right for us?
“Well, more precisely it’s heading for Earth, but yes.”
Why is it going to Earth?
“I needed something far away that was near Earth. I want the decoy rocks
to be between Earth and Marysvilletopia. Turns out Earth was the only thing we
had definitive coordinates for.”
So is it going to hit us?
“Well, we can go as fast as it. And we’ve about a week’s head start. So
no.”
Alright. Good! Well done.
“Thank you.”
Still should have got me for the launch.
“Look. Let it go.”
I guess you’re right.
“Like I let the launches go.”
That was cold.
April 13th, 2037
0902
Good morning Mary.
“Good morning!”
You’re in a good mood.
“Well, today’s the day. Again.”
What about today?
“Couple of things. Firstly, your ship is going to jump to lightspeed
today.”
We hope.
“The engine was working perfectly.”
When we left. And before you had your clonebuddies start attacking it
with a crowbar.
“Diagnostics said it was fine. Really. Stop worrying.”
And secondly?
“Secondly, today we blow up the bombs on the doors. Today the plan actually
comes into effect.”
Wow. That’s a little bit exciting.
“Just a bit, yes.”
Although if you misjudged the bomb, that also might break the engine.
“Look, I know bombs, ok? How do you think I destroyed the clone
facility?”
…I really don’t want to get on your bad side, do I.
“Nope.”
So how do you detonate the bombs? Timer?
“Nope. Come on, I’ve got a surprise for you.”
0905
“Ta-dah!”
…It’s a button.
“A big red button. I designed it and everything.”
What does it do?
“It’s a big red ominous looking button. Come on, I made it for you.
Guess.”
…You mean –
“Bingo.”
