194th Entry

May 9th, 2037

1355

Dear Space Diary

They say that you can be quite graceful in zero gravity.

They’re wrong.

After frantically trying to swim through the air (this does not work), I gave up and just waited until I floated near enough to the roof to pull myself over to the vent.

Right. Now to just unscrew the vent and… ah.

1403

At last, a screwdriver.

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Freedom! Vent based freedom! I’m pretty good at this whole escape thing, all factors considered.

Now to crawl through. If I run into any fans, I’ll just use my trusty… ah.

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So it’s actually quite hard to pry something off a wall without gravity. Best solution I found was stand on the wall, aim at the floor, and jump a lot while holding the pipe.

My head hurts. But At least I’ve got the pipe. It’s definitely thick enough to block and fans, though hopefully I won’t need to use it.

I’m pretty good at this whole escape – oh forget it.

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I think I’m lost.

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If I had a sense of direction, which direction would I go in?

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Not that way.

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“Isn’t he going to save us?”

“I’m sure he will.”

“I thought he was going to save us.”

“Give him time.”

“It’s been hours.”

“Give him more time.”

CLUNK

“Aah! What was that?”                                                                        

“It came from the vent.”

“Do you think NASA is trying to break in?”

“Yes.”

“AAAARGH!”

“It’s ok 3.0. Here’s what we’re going to do. First, take a deep breath.”

“Gasp.”

“Now breathe out.”

“pheeeeeeeeeeeew.”

“And now grab that scalpel that’s floating by your ear.”

“Could you maybe have told me about the scalpel first?”

“I wasn’t sure how’d you react.”

“…Ok that’s valid.”

“Now the moment you see anything come through the vent, throw the scalpel with all your force.”

“Ok. I can do this.”

“You can do this.”

When you two have quite finished.

“THROW THE SCALPEL!”

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“I am so sorry.”

Don’t worry about it.

“I am so sorry.”

No harm done.

“Only because aiming is really hard in zero gravity!”

Only because you can’t aim.

“Hey! Don’t be mean!”

Who just threw a scalpel at who?

“…I am SO sorry.”

Seriously. It’s ok. Please stop.

“So, it’s nice to see you and all, but what are we going to do from here? All we’ve really done is transfer you from one locked room to another.”

Like magic.

“Not in any way like magic.”

Well, now we’re all together, we can work out a way to escape.

“How? We’re on autopilot. We can’t change anything.”

But their ship isn’t.

“Their ship?”

How do you think they got here? They must have a ship. They can hardly link up with another ship by autopilot, so it must be freely controllable.

“Or piloted by NASA on the ground.”

Then we make them think we’re army dude and hippy face. And we make them fly us home.

“That’s kind of brilliant.”

Aren’t I?