109th Entry

March 21^st, 2037

1930

Dear Space Diary.

Been walking for a few hours now. This tank isn’t getting any lighter. In fact I think it’s getting heavier. Mary, the tank is getting heavier. I think it’s expanding.

“For the last time, the tank can’t expand on its own. Unless I add the right chemical, it’ll just sit there silently. A trait that you could perhaps draw inspiration from.”

Ok, I’m just saying that if it does, you’re cleaning it up.

“Keep walking, I want to get there before you start whining that it’s past your bedtime.”

…I don’t whine.

“Is it opposite day?”

Are you twelve?

“Respect your elders.”

The future belongs to the young.

“You’re only four years younger than me.”

I’ve been through a lot.

“I’ve been through 20 years of exile in space, followed by a year and a half being farmed in a cloning facility.”

Touché.

“Indeed. Argument over?”

Agreed.

“Shake?”

Shake.

“Great. Now let’s keep moving.”

2000

Is the lightdog still following us?

“Yes.”

What’s it doing now?

“Attempting to look nonchalant.”

How does a robot look nonchalant?

“It’s quite impressive.”

2015

Is it still there?

“Yes.”

2023

Still there?

“Yes.”

2024

Are we –?

“Don’t you dare.”

2106

“Ok, we’re back.”

Hurrah!

“Well that was quite a walk. And I’m impressed you carried that tank all the way here. I guess we should rest for a moment before –“

Zzzzzzzz…

“…Oh who cares. You earned it.”

March 22^nd 2037

0715

“I got you breakfast.”

Gah!

“Oh, sorry, I guess good morning is more traditional.”

Little bit. Did you mention breakfast?

“I did.”

Wait. The only food we have is nutritional paste.

“Yes.”

So by get me breakfast, you mean you scooped some paste out of a tube and carried it over here.

“Yes. It’s your breakfast. And I got it for you.”

…thanks.

“You’re welcome!”

Very kind of you.

“It’s my good deed for the day.”

You mean that literally don’t you.

“Yup. Don’t expect anything else.”

Noted.

0745

Eaten and showered. Feeling moderately human. That’s a step forward.

Mary is asleep in the Zubrin. I’ve decided to catch up on some of NASA’s messages. To be honest I’m not that inclined to talk to them, but there’s a lot going on and they seem to be behind it. I think I’m owed an answer or two.

0705

Ok, let’s see… Login: GINEAUPIG1 Password…

Damn it. I can’t remember my password. Haven’t used this thing in ages.

Um… was it TOTHESTARS? No, wait, that was the temporary one. I had to change it when I first logged in.

Um… IWANNAGOHOME.

<PASSWORD INVALID>

SCREWYOUNASA

<PASSWORD INVALID>

LETMEOFFTHISCRAZYTHING

<PASSWORD INVALID. DUE TO THREE INCORRECT ATTEMPTS, YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN LOCKED. PLEASE RESET YOUR PASSWORD>

Sigh. Ok.

<TO RESET YOUR PASSWORD, PLEASE ANSWER YOUR SECRET QUESTION TO CONFIRM YOUR IDENTITY>

Oh yes, that’s right. I probably picked first pet. I always choose first pet. Mitten the Kitten. Easy.

<Q: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE POPULAR NASA MASCOT?>

…

108th Entry

March 21^st, 2037

1712

Dear Space Diary.

A lightdog is trying to hide itself behind a pole.

Badly.

I should probably be more concerned about the ramifications of why a lightdog is following us in the first place, but at the moment I’m more amused by how terrible it is at hiding.

1715

Ok, amusement over. What the hell is it doing here, and why is it following us?

“And welcome back. To answer your questions: It’s here because it’s following us, and it’s following us because we’re here.”

That wasn’t the most helpful of responses.

“Not actually a criteria I was going for. But nonetheless. We’re doing something. NASA haven’t heard from you in quite some time, they probably want to know what you’re up to.”

Are you sure it’s NASA?

“Who else could it be?”

…Yes, of course you’re right? Who else could it be? Ha, ha.

“Your laugh sucks.”

You’re so kind. But, how could NASA be spying on us? They can’t be controlling the lightdogs from here!

“Ok, I’ve grown fond of you. Rather like a small child grows fond of their incurable intestinal disease. So I’ll play this out for you slowly. How does NASA communicate with you?”

Sending messages to the ship.

“So, that would be some form of long range transmission.”

Yes.

“Right. And they have also upgraded and altered programs in the ship computer from time to time.”

Also yes.

“In other words, they are capable of altering the programming electronic devices from a very long way away?”

…I feel kind of stupid.

“Get used to that feeling. The lightdogs are completely capable of being updated from Earth. The only reason I’m even here is because they wanted to clone me. Pretty much everything else could have been done by remote control.”

You make a good point.

“And who do you think told the Lightdogs to begin digging their pit out in the desert? They didn’t do it by themselves.”

You make another good point.

“Yup.”

So what are we going to do about the lightdog over there?

“For the moment nothing. Nothing we can do. If we chase it off it’ll just come back. If we destroy it, NASA will send another one. And probably make sure they do a better job of hiding it. At the moment, it’s pretty harmless. Just try to ignore it.”

Um, ok. But aren’t you worried NASA might try to laser us to pieces in our sleep?

“If they wanted to do that, they would have already done so long ago. And they wouldn’t have sent you to find me. No, as far as they’re concerned, they’re not done with me yet.”

Oh I see! So they want us alive?

“Well, me anyway. Don’t know about you.”

I’m not entirely comfortable with their being uncertainty on that subject.

“Sorry, but I don’t know. You could ask NASA not to kill you, if it makes you feel better.”

It actually might.

“Make sure you say please.”

107th Entry

March 21^st, 2037

1630

Dear Space Diary.

The fuel is at last ready. Through some amazing chemical know how on Mary’s part, she has produced a clean fuel that will last for ages, and has been compressed to such a degree that we’ve enough fuel to blast our two ships on a 20 year voyage home the long way if so required. All contained in this one tiny tank.

This one tiny heavy tank.

This one tiny heavy tank that I have to carry.

This one tine heavy tank that I have to carry from one side of the city to the next.

Hmm.

1700

Mary tells me that we’ve made good progress, and it was a lot easier than she thought it would be. Mind, Mary hasn’t been carrying anything except a small pack of tools and an air of smugness, so I’m disinclined to consider her fully informed about the situation.

This thing is HEAVY.

That said, we have actually made pretty good time. Still got a long walk yet but we’re further than I thought we’d be.

We’re taking a break, to get some rest.

“No.”

But… you said we could!

“No, we are taking a break, and if you need to get some rest please do, I don’t want you falling over. But that’s not why we’re taking it.”

Enlighten me.

“How much have you been paying attention to your surroundings?”

I’ve been mainly paying attention to the very heavy tank of fuel that nobody is helping me carry.

“Fair enough I guess. That must suck for you. I’d point out that it’s actually too small for two people to carry effectively, but I think you’re enjoying your grumbling too much. Anyway, take a look for me now.”

In any particular direction?

“Anywhere you like. Take your time.”

Ok um…

1703

I don’t know what I’m looking for.

“Evidently. Tell me what you can see.”

I really don’t know what to say. There’s the buildings. They’re still pink. The dome above us. Sun’s going down… Mary, there’s nothing interesting here at all! It’s just buildings, lightdogs, and very long streets that I have to carry this tank down.

“Wait for it.”

…Tank?

“Nope.”

Buidlings?

“Nope.”

…Pink?

“Come on, think.”

Um…

1710

Wait! A lightdog!

“There we go.”

But what is it doing here?

“If I knew, I wouldn’t have stopped. In fact I would have run. But it’s been following us for a good 15 minutes, and I’m not sure why.”

Just the one.

“As far as I can tell. Unless the others are better at hiding than this one, this little guy is the only one.”

Is it Larry, Curly, or Moe?

“Not one of mine. I left mine back at the plant. This guy’s new. New colour, too.”

You’re right. I haven’t seen an orange one before.

“Odd, isn’t it.”

Do you think it knows we’ve spotted it?

“From the way it’s trying desperately trying to hide itself behind that pole, I’m guessing yes.”

106th Entry

March 21^st, 2037

0859

Dear Space Diary.

After much arguing, Mary relented and allowed me to get 5 hours sleep or so. But she said I had to be up on the dot at 9. Woke up a tiny bit early, so just relaxing a little before –

0900

“WAKE UP!”

…sigh.

1000

We’re hard at work on the Formula again. I don’t understand a lot of it to be honest. Basically I just go where she asks me to go, stir what she asks me to stir, run away from what looks like it’s about to explode, regardless of what she asks me to run away from. So basically I’m an honorary lightdog.

That kind of feels like a demotion.

“Back to work, slave.”

The fact that she’s enjoying this doesn’t make me feel any better.

1123

Ok Mary, I’ve added batch 14 to batch 3 like you asked.

“What did it do?”

It turned green and started smoking.

“Toxic or non-toxic?”

I’m not inhaling that.

“It’s ok. You’d be dead by now if it was.”

…What?

1148

“Dead yet?”

Please stop asking that.

“Just checking. Ok, next is batch 23. This is going to take about half an hour. You’ll need six pairs of protective goggles.”

Why six?

“Takes about five minutes to eat through them.”

I think it might be better if I stopped asking questions I don’t want to know the answer to.

“Works for me.”

1554

Ok, batches 26-29 have been mixed, I’ve poured the 1-19 concentrate into the tank, and I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my back. What’s next?

“Oh we’re done.”

…What?

“Yeah we were done hours ago. Have you been working all this time?”

…WHAT?

“Oh don’t worry I’m just kidding. We’re almost there. Thank you so much for your help, you’ve been brilliant.”

Oh. Well, you’re welcome. It was a pleasure to… oh, hugs, ok.

“Thank you.”

No trouble.

1558

Hug’s getting a little awkward now.

“Sorry. Ok, I’ve got one more batch to mix up; meanwhile, you can tip all the batches into tank in numerical order. Then I’ll add the last batch, give it a bit of a stir, and we’re done!”

Ok, let’s get it done!

1623

How’s the batch coming along?

“Just about there. Here, taste this.”

…No.

“Good answer. Now we just need to mix it together…”

1626

“…and we’re done!”

Awesome! We have fuel?

“It’ll need to stew for a bit. But yes, we have fuel. Clean, efficient, slow burning, and concentrated. There’s enough fuel in that tank to fill a fleet of ships.”

Ok. But you know we’ve only got two, right?

“You’re funny. Hmm.”

Lost something?

“Yeah, the word ‘not.’ I could have sworn I used it in a sentence a moment ago.”

Ha.

“Come on, that was good, as comebacks go. Anyway, better start carrying.”

Me? I have to carry it.

“Yeah. I mixed it, you carry it.”

I’m not impressed.

“There it is! I knew it was around here someplace.”

105th Entry

March 20^th, 2037

2135

Dear Space Diary.

“I said freeze!”

Well it’s getting pretty cold out; can you give me a moment? I’ll do my best to speed up the process.

“Oh it’s you. Come on in.”

Mary, why are you pointing a gun at me? And also, where did you get a gun to point at me?

“The Zubrin had one in the cupboard. I honestly don’t know if NASA just threw in everything they thought I could possibly need, or if they forgot to clean the cupboard out before we launched.”

Neither would surprise me.

“Indeed.”

Well, I’m glad we got that sorted. Now, to return to my initial question…

“I woke up. Six  hours ago. You were gone. You did not return. For six hours. I’ll admit I may have got a little freaked out.”

You were worried about me?

“Well, you are the only other human on this planet.”

…Yes, that’s right! Only one.

“So it’d be a shame to lose you. You are, well, you’re a friend. Kind of the only one I have. Curly and Larry don’t count. And I’ve never really liked Moe.”

Why not?

“He’s got an attitude.”

No he doesn’t.

“Whatever!  Anyway, I panicked, I’m sorry, but you’re back. Where did you go, anyway?”

I went back to my ship. Wanted to see if NASA had sent any messages.

“Really? I keep telling you, NASA are lying to you. They’ve lied to everyone, and yet you still hang on their every word.”

I don’t believe they’ve been lying to whole time. Stuff they haven’t told us? Sure. Information they’ve neglected to pass on through general incompetence? Almost certainly. But I’m not convinced it’s a grand conspiracy to deceive us. Especially as they’ve sent me the mission documents.

“Someone sent you the mission documents. I’m not convinced it’s someone who works at NASA. Anymore, anyway.”

We’ll see I guess.

“I hope not. I hope I never have anything to do with them, ever again.”

Great, sure thing. Now I’ve had a few long walks today, maybe we should get some rest.

“Rest? I’ve only been up for six hours. I’m full of beans. Well, paste. We’ve got plenty of work to do yet!”

…But I’m tired!

“Are you also five?”

No.

“Then grow up. Now, help me move this tank.”

Sigh.

March 21^st, 2037

0220

“Ok, we’re doing well! Now, it’s probably time we took a break.”

For sleep?

“For lunch.”

But it’s two in the morning!

“Why are you even on Earth time anymore? The planet doesn’t even revolve at the same speed.”

It’s what I’m used to.

“But it makes no sense! It takes two “Earth” days for one day to pass here.”

But it’s about the only thing of Earth I have left, ok?

“Time?”

No, this watch. Only thing left. And I’d like to keep using it. I can’t live on 48 hour days. I’d go mental.

“Mental-er.”

That’s not even a word.

“Not on Earth. New rules.”

104th Entry

March 20^th, 2037

1600

Dear Space Diary.

So, Mary, I had better get going.

“You’re leaving?”

Don’t get me wrong, it’s been… interesting. But Mary will be wondering where I am. I don’t want her to come looking for me, find all of you, and decide to accidentally kill you all again.

“It wasn’t –“

We don’t know that. And she’s had a bit of a rough ride, alright? Innocent until proven guilty. So I should get back and make sure she’s not getting worried.

“Ok.”

Also you’re kind of freaking me out.

“Duly noted.”

1610

“Oh hello again! Did you find Mary?”

I did, we had a nice long chat. How have you been?

“Oh, you know. Growing in my tank. Not doing anything. Resenting people for introducing me to the wonders of human contact and then abandoning my new enlightened mind to the agony of solitude. That kind of thing.”

Sounds fun. Well, must be going.

“You did it again!”

Sorry.

“Do you promise you’ll come back?”

I promise I’ll try.

“That’s a promise! You’re coming back!”

No, I… fine. Bye.

1619

At the top of the pit now. Seems very quiet and empty up here. Not much sign that an entire cloning operation is going on downstairs. Just the occasional blast of steam and the faint cries of “Traitor!” from Mary 3.0, otherwise you’d never know.

“Traitor!”

Right, I need to get going.

2000

Well that was a long walk. Aside from a little dialogue based interlude I’ve been walking for… about 10 hours.

Most I used to walk on Earth was 10 minutes.

And that was if the car was broken.

And the 10 minutes was just around the block while the mechanic was fixing the car.

Because the TV was also broken.

Anyhoo, I think I’ve redeemed myself somewhat, so enough about that.

Finally back to the city though. Just an hour or so longer and I’ll be back to Mary 1.0 like nothing ever happened. She’s probably still asleep.

It’s been a little hard to process the most recent revelations. I mean, from meeting Mary 1.0, and the skeleton in the closet I had deduced that cloning was going on. The city, the lightdogs, these were all made to house and manage the clone experiment.

Badly, as it turns out.

And if Mary had been trapped, been … farmed, been forced to watch other version of herself grow, then I guess she has plenty of reason to be grumpy. I’d probably want to destroy the facility too.

But… to kill all the clones? I don’t know what to think. I mean, they’re… I dunno what they are, but don’t they deserve to be alive, now that they are?

I’m not trying to be an ethicist here. I’m not debating whether they should have been alive in the first place. But, look! They’re alive! So since they are…

I think it’s best that Mary doesn’t know.

2133

Back at last. Finally, I can –

“Freeze!”

…panic.

103rd Entry

March 20^th, 2037

1557

Dear Space Diary.

Mary! You’re alive!

“Of course I’m alive! You think I’m floating in this tank for my health?”

Actually, yes.

“…Fair point. Anyway, no I’m alive. The lightdogs found me, plugged me in here. Never felt better. apart from the whole no limbs thing. That’s a bummer. But a temporary one.”

Temporary?

“You know how they always told you they don’t grow back?”

Yes?

“Well, they lied. All you need is a tank full of regenerative nutritional goo. Who knew?”

You’re being very positive.

“I’m a head a and a diagonally bisected torso floating in a tank of blue goo. Being positive’s about all I got.”

Is there a way I can get you out of there?

“Are you kidding? This tank saved my life. It’s the only thing keeping me alive. And thanks to the whole evil cloning thing, I can actually regrow! How cool is that?”

More disgusting than cool, really.

“I know, tell me about it. But hey, I’ll take disgusting over dead anyway.”

Hesistantly, I will point out that, um, it was kinda your fault your almost died.

“I know. I feel kinda bad about that. I went to a deep dark place.”

Really?

“Yeah the bottom of the pit.”

Stop that.

“I fell from my high station.”

I mean it.

“I was on a downward spiral.”

STOP. IT.

“I hit rock bottom”

I’m leaving.

“No don’t go! I’m all alone here. The lightdogs ignore me mostly so long as I play brain dead, and all the other versions of me just want to talk about themselves. And I am themselves. Please stay.”

But I have to get back. Mary – the real actual Mary – is waiting back at the city, and she’s –

“Whoa, HANG on. Mary’s still alive?”

Yeah, I was amazed too. She’s figured out a way –

“Can you kill her for me?”

…Why would I do that?

“Because she’s the reason I jumped. She’s the reason I am, well, was, the only other Mary running around. She killed the rest of us.”

I don’t believe you.

“Believe it. There was a bit underground facility, metal tubes running from it the city. Cloning program running along smoothly, except for Mary, who was roughly in the same position I am now. Literally. In a tank. Being farmed. Believe me, I do sympathise. Then she escapes, reprograms the lightdogs, and destroys the facility. Fair enough given what had happen to her, right?”

Right.

“Right right. But where were all of us at the time? Still in the facility. Everyone inside was destroyed. Just a giant pink pile of rubble in a cave. All dead.”

How did you survive?

“Oh I’d escaped three days earlier. I’d been planning on shutting down the place and rescuing Mary myself. Only, you know, with less ‘everyone dies.’”

…I don’t know what to say.

“How about, ‘Sorry your clone mother tried to kill you and you’re a torso in a tank?’”

Yeah that about covers it.

102nd Entry

March 20^th, 2037

1545

Dear Space Diary.

Amazingly, Mary 2.0 might have survived her fall after all. I’m actually a little excited to see her again.

Would help if I actually knew where she was though. Downstairs is about as exact as TankMary could put it.

And there are a lot of stairs that go down.

It doesn’t help that she keeps yelling out what she presumably thinks are helpful remarks. Given she’s never left her tank though, her navigation skills are somewhat lacking.

“Try looking under things!”

Thanks for that.

1602

Two good developments.

One, I’m so far down that I can’t hear TankMary anymore.

Two, I’ve found Mary 2.0. Or, what’s left of her anyway.

Turns out only some of here survived the fall. She’s um, not all there. What IS there has been put in an unused growth tank, connected up to some tubes. Just a head a most of a torso.

Ew.

She’s alive. I’m not sure how much though. Hey eyes are open. I tapped the glass a couple of times and her eyes focussed on the noise, then drifted away again.

Kind of cruel in a way. I don’t really know why the lightdogs did it. Maybe they just saw a clone and thought it needed to go back into a tank. Who knows what those things are up to this days.

…Like the one that’s been hovering behind me for I don’t know how long. That’s not creepy all.

It’s just pushed past me, like I wasn’t even there. Almost knocked me over. It’s floating over to Mary.

Wait, what’s it doing with that needle?

…EW.

It… it just… stabbed Mary with the needle! Right in the tank!

It’s taken some of her blood. She really doesn’t have a lot of it. She barely seemed to notice though. Just bobbing away in her tank. She really is in a bad way.

The lightdog has floated over to a console. It’s plugged in the needle. The sample is gone.

I wonder what the purpose of that was? They’ve got lots of Marys.

Actually…

1610

I was right, the tanks are empty a few levels down. They must have run out of DNA to clone with.

Mary 1.0 is back in the city, so I guess they used the closest thing they could find, which was Mary 2.0.

…Can you make a clone out of a clone? Apparently. I wonder if that has any side effects.

1615

Back in Mary’s room. They must have been farming her for samples all this time.

Why are the lightdogs doing this? And… what happened to all the original clones? Surely there was more than two?

The lightdog just left the room. It doesn’t seem to know or care that I’m here.

Oh Mary. How can I help you? Can I even help you. You’re little more than a vegetable. Maybe it would be best if I just… found the off switch.

“Who you calling a vegetable?”

What?

“Moron.”

101st Entry

March 20^th, 2037

1515

Dear Space Diary.

Mary is everywhere.

The lightdogs have dug a pit, built a… well, a cloning station, and filled it with Marys.

Lots of Marys.

They don’t seem to be a doing a lot. Maybe they’re dead. Maybe they’re not yet alive. Maybe they’ve never been alive.

SNOOOOOORREE.

Or maybe they’re just asleep.

1525

This pit must go down for at least a mile. I tried counting all the different… I don’t know what to call them. Vats? Beds? Cloning facilitation chambers? Baths? Anyway, I gave up after 10.

No, I can count further than 10, there just didn’t seem much point after that, as I only had another several thousand to go. And there are probably better things to do with my time.

Suffice to say, there’s a lot of them. All floating in some kind of blue goo. They’re tethered by (unless I’m much mistaken) the same feeding and um… anti-feeding tubes that I myself used in my spaceship. They still tend to bob around in the goo though, making them look like really, really disturbing lava lamps.

Also, before imagination runs away with itself, they are all fully clothed. Sorry, imagination.

1530

Taking a closer look at one of them. Definitely asleep. Snoring.

And drooling slightly. Which is a little odd given the goo. Since she’s snoring, I’ll assume she’s breathing comfortably. Unless the goo is causing the snoring, which is entirely possible.

If this was a horror movie, her eyes would burst open at this point and she’d start screaming.

1537

Oh wake up.

THUMP.

That did it. Her eyes have flicked open. She’s staring straight at me. Her eyes are widening. Here comes are the scream.

…

Nothing. Maybe she can’t scream.

“I’m confused, why would I want to scream?”

Er, because this is a terrifying situation?

“Is it? I wouldn’t know. It all seems more interesting than terrifying. Whee!”

…ok. Aren’t you concerned about being in a tank?

“Should I be? I thought it was normal.”

It most definitely isn’t.

“Well, I hope you don’t take offense at this, but there’s thousands of us in tanks, and only one of you out of a tank. You’re a bit of a fish out of water really. Freak.”

I can’t really argue against that.

“Good.”

Although I REALLY want to.

“Don’t. It’s nice talking to someone. Those robot things don’t say anything. Just float on by and occasional build something. They’re pretty dull.”

You know everyone else here is a clone of you?

“Oh not of me silly. I’m a clone just like the rest. We’re all a clone of Mary.”

Yeah, she’s back at the city.

“Oh did she leave? That’s a shame. We had a nice talk this morning. Then she went downstairs.”

I’m going to go find her.

“Do!”

Thanks for chatting. I hope it wasn’t too tiring.

“What do you mean?”

The goo. On your vocal cords. You sound like a dolphin.

“You sound like a moron.”