166th Entry

April 3^rd, 2037

0515

Dear Space Diary

“So, what’s it say?”

I’m not too sure, to be honest. It’s 27 pages long, which would fall into the category of ‘Complex.’ It’s got instructions, but it’s a veritable laundry list, and a long one at that. I’m a bit confused.

“Give it here. I’ll work it out.”

Sure.

“Hospital gown, socks, hair net… This is an actual laundry list.”

Yup.

“I’m also confused… wait, I’ve got it. This is a list of clothing she’ll need while she’s in hospital.”

That’s pretty comprehensive. Did it tell us to provide a packed lunch as well?

“Two apples and a cheese sandwich.”

And if they don’t like cheese?

“Um… two apples. But who in their right mind wouldn’t like cheese?”

What if you were lactose intolerant?

“I’d still eat cheese.”

Then I’m very glad you’re not lactose intolerant. Ok, clothing and lunch. What else?

“Er… nothing. Just plug her in to the machine and leave her there.”

For how long?

“Until we’re back to Earth and we can transfer her to a medical team.”

That sounds awfully like it doesn’t know what’s wrong with her.

“Yeah. But apparently it’s… DTF syndrome.”

Classy. But hang on, if all it says is “give her clothes and food and leave her alone”, why is it 27 pages long?

“I don’t know… this is weird. It just repeats the information over and over. Hundreds of time. Clothes, lunch, and plug her in.”

…Did you say hundreds?

“Yeah. Hundreds.”

And exactly the same each time?

“Yeah. Just her details, and then “Clone #1, Clone #2, Clone #3… oh.”

This isn’t instructions for 3.0. This is instructions for ALL of the clones. It’s almost like –

“…they knew this was going to happen.”

They knew the engines would fail?

“No that was just general incompetence I think. But… what if they knew she was going to become unconscious?”

…Computer!

YES, SIR?

“I didn’t know we had voice control.”

Neither did I. Whoops. Er, Computer! Define DTF Syndrome.

THAT INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED

Oh. Um, Computer! Declassify.

“I don’t think it works that way.”

ALL INFORMATION DECLASSIFIED

“Oh.”

Computer, define DTF.

PLEASE WAIT… SEARCHING.

DEFINTION FOR DTF: DUPLICATE TISSUE FAILURE.

YOU MAY ALSO HAVE MEANT DOUBLE TOMATO & FILLET. IF THIS IS CORRECT, PLEASE SAY YES.

No.

“Oh, no. 3.0.”

I don’t get it.

“Duplicate Tissue Failure. The duplicate tissue! It’s failing!”

Again, not getting it.

“3.0 is duplicate tissue!”

…Ah.

“They knew this was going to happen! They knew they were going to fail! That’s why they sent this ship! Because they knew the clones would eventually break down! They’re meant to be plugged in and held in stasis until they get back!”

Well, it’s a good thing we got the clones off the ship then!

“Exactly! We wouldn’t then falling into comas and being plugged into… medical…”

Have we done something very stupid?

“Yes.”

CONFIRMED

“What?”

THE DOUBLE TOMATO AND FILLET IS A POPULAR BURGER, FREQUENTLY ACCOMPANIED BY A SIDE  -