167th Entry

April 3^rd, 2037

0520

Dear Space Diary

No computer. Stop. Bad computer.

DO YOU WISH TO CEASE DEFINITION PLAYBACK?

Yes, stop!

STOPPING CESSATION OF DEFINITION PLAYBACK. PLAYBACK RESUMING.

No! Stop! Stop! Stop!

…PLEASE WAIT, CALCULATING…

CONFIRMED, WE WILL NOT STOP STOPPING THE STOP OF PLAYBACK.

…What?

PLAYBACK RESUMED

Arrgh!

0524

“It’s stopped. You can come back in now.”

Ok, but there’s something I have to do first. Computer!

YES SIR?

Disable Voice Control.

DISABLING. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CONFIRM?

Yes.

VOICE CONTROL IS DISABLED, UNABLE TO RECOGNISE VOICE COMMANDS. PLEASE REPEAT.

…No.

“So what do we do?”

Is 3.0 stable?

“I think so.”

Then we need to send a message to 2.0 and the Marys. Need to make sure they’re ok.

0527

Ok, I’ll just jump into the communications –

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

“Oh that was good timing. One just came in now.”

Er, not as such, no. I’ve kind of being ignoring the messages from NASA. I didn’t really want to hear what they have to say.

“Even if what they have to say is “This ship will self-destruct in 20 minutes? Move over, I’ll listen if you can’t be bothered.”

They’ll just try and manipulate us again. There’s no point.

“Then we can ignore it. I’m listening to them.”

Fine, we can listen to their message if you really want. But it’s only one message and it’s pretty old. It won’t be relevant anymore.

YOU HAVE 37 NEW MESSAGES

“…Sounds like they really wanted to talk to you.”

The feeling isn’t mutual.

<LOADING MESSAGES>

Come on, NASA, what’s so important?

…IS THIS THING WORKING? *COUGH* UM, I THINK SO… HI GUYS! IT’S 2.0 HERE.

“2.0?!”

HOPE I GOT YOUR NUMBER CORRECTLY, IF SOMEONE ELSE IS LISTENING TO THIS, DON’T WORRY YOU’RE JUST HALLUCINATING. GO BACK TO SLEEP. ANYWAY. JUST MESSAGING TO LET YOU KNOW WE LANDED SAFE. WELL, I SAY SAFE. 30 BROKEN BONES AND A FEW CONCUSSIONS COUNT AS SAFE RIGHT? …YEAH THE GIRLS HERE SAY THAT COUNT AS SAFE. THE ONE S THAT AREN’T CONCUSSED. SO WE’RE GREAT! WE’VE LANDED A FAIR WAY FROM THE CITY, SO WE’RE SLEEPING IN THE PODS. THERE ARE SPACE SUITS, SO WE CAN WALK BACK, BUT WE’RE GOING TO SEE IF WE CAN FLY.

THIS IS GREAT! BOBO CAN’T CONTAIN HIS EXCITEMENT. LITERALLY. IT’S KIND OF DISGUSTING.

YES, BOBO IS FINE TOO. SAY HELLO BOBO.

OH RIGHT, REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. EH. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THE LACK OF TOILET TRAINING…

BETTER GO! LOOK FORWARD OT HEARING FROM YOU SOON!

“…You thought that was from NASA?”

I didn’t actually listen to it! I just thought it was from NASA.

“She could have been hurt!”

Fine! I messed up. But she’s fine. So, crisis averted.

<LOADING MESSAGE 2>

HEY GUYS! NEVER HEARD BACK FROM YOU, BUT THAT’S COOL, YOU’RE PROBABLY ALL BUSY AT LIGHT SPEED AND STUFF. JUST WANTED TO SAY HI. WE’RE BACK AT THE CITY, ALL SAFE. BOBO IS HUNTING THE LIGHTDOGS. I’LL TRY AGAIN LATER. BYE.

<LOADING MESSAGE 3>

ALLLLL BYYYYY MYYYYYSEEEEELLLFFFF…