Thirty-Second Entry

March 9^th, 2037

2015

Dear Space Diary

I have been kidnapped by a golden retriever.

I don’t mean a dog. That would actually be preferable at this stage. In fact, I have been kidnapped by a giant ball of light, but it’s definitely golden, and it can definitely retrieve.

I wonder if that’s what it’s doing with me. Was it sent to retrieve me? Is it working for something else? Or is it entirely on its own, and I merely took its fancy?

Oh dear God, I hope it isn’t attracted to me. That would be awkward.

2115

Been travelling for over an hour now. I wonder where Lightdog is taking me.  And why?

And for that matter, how? I don’t seem to be connected to it in any way, and yet I’m very clearly been towed along behind it, much the same as if I had been tied to it with a rope.

There it is ahead of me glowing away.

NASA are still asleep/hung over, so I’m on my own until “morning.” Thanks guys.

Not much I could do in any case. It’s like I have any way of moving this thing. And while there doesn’t seem to be anything stopping me just opening the door and hopping out, “possible terror” trumps “certain death by lead poisoning” any day of the week.

2130

I’ve just remembered I’m sitting inside a rocket ship. You know, with rocket engines.

Never tried firing them in mid-air before, but there’s no real reason that I couldn’t, I think. Certainly worth a shot.

2200

Well, that didn’t go so well. Ow.

Whatever Lightdog is doing to tether my ship, it’s bloody strong. But not immovable. When I fired the engines, all that happened was that I spun around the light. Right into a cliff.

Ow.

The ship seems undamaged, but then if it could survive colliding into a planet at speeds that were faster than light, a cliff on conventional rockets must be child’s play.

If the child had a rocket, and enjoyed smashing that rocket into cliffs.

Lightdog either didn’t notice, or didn’t care about my little escape attempt. Although we do seem to be travelling faster now.  I wonder how you tell if you’ve annoyed a giant ball of light.

Come to think of it, who knows if I should be describing this in terms of human emotions? It may not even have emotions for all I know. It might not even be alive.

Either way, that’s a moot point. Doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it right now.

Strangely that’s rather reassuring. Think I’ll get some sleep. Maybe when I wake up this will all have been some horrible dream.

March 10^th, 2037

0400

AAARGH! Oh, what a terrible nightmare!

I dreamed I was lost on an alien planet light years away from earth, and had been abducted by a ball made out of… Nope, I’m still here.

Damn it. Oh well, it was worth a shot.

Thirty-First Entry

March 9^th, 2037

1910

Dear Space Diary

There is a disembodied light floating outside my spaceship that just threw a rock with a face on it at me.

This is a new experience for me.

The light is just sitting there now. I don’t know if it’s reacting purely to detected movement or if it’s some kind of alien litter patrol, but either way I’m more than a little freaked out.

I feel kind of bad for Mr Rock though. He’s currently lying forlornly near the ship where he bounced off the window after the light threw him back. I can just seem him out of the corner of the window, judging me.

Damn it, I better go get him.

1915

Opened the door and stepped out. Standing thirty centimetres away from Mr Rock.

Argh! The light just moved forward.

1916

Now standing about five metres away from Mr Rock. The light has stopped and gone back to its original position. It seems to be waiting for something.

I shouldn’t be out here for too long, I haven’t decontaminated yet.

Freaky light be damned, I’ll just grab Mr Rock and jump back inside.

1918

Got Mr Rock. The light jumped forward again but stopped right in front of me. It’s waiting again.

I should get inside, but… hmm.

I have an idea.

1919

Threw Mr Rock away. Sorry Mr Rock.

Off goes the light.

1920

It’s back! And it’s got – Ow!

It threw Mr Rock at my head. I don’t think it meant to, though. I think it’s just extremely accurate.

Another throw.

1922

And back again. This time I managed to catch Mr Rock before we came face to face, as it were.

Is it… playing fetch with me? Is the first alien life humanity has ever met the incandescent equivalent of a golden retriever?

It’s possible I guess. But who knows on what level this thing works. It could be functioning on completely separate logic and methods and communication. Maybe we just danced, who knows.

1923

Ok, this is all very interesting, but I have to get back inside the ship. Sorry, Lightdog, not dying of lead poisoning wins.

1925

Back inside.

Lightdog still waiting.

1927

I can’t play fetch with you. Not for another six hours. Go away.

1945

Lightdog has moved closer a couple of times, before retreating back to its original spot and waiting. If it had a tail I honestly swear it’d be wagging it.

If only it would… oh, it’s gone.

1947

Back again.

And now it’s run away again. Only it’s stopped in the distance, before coming back.

1950

It keeps going away and coming back.

I think it wants me to follow it.

Sorry, Lightdog. I’m stuck inside this ship for the next six hours. And even if I could, I’m don’t want to follow an alien light. Ok?

1953

I think it understood. It’s headed off behind me.

Should get some… HEY!

What are you -?

1955

PUT ME DOWN!

Thirtieth Entry

March 9^th, 2037

1655

Dear Space Diary

I don’t wish to alarm anyone, but there is a bright light floating outside my ship.

Actually, I do wish to alarm. NASA, I am alarmed. You should be too.

It’s still dark outside, and the light is painfully bright, so I can’t see what’s causing it. It just appears to be a ball of light floating immediately in front of me.

Not moving. I don’t know if that’s more terrifying than moving, but I’m terrified either way.

Please advise, NASA. What do I do?

1710

Light still just floating there. I really wish it didn’t take 30 minutes to get a response back from NASA. They’re smart, intelligent and capable people. They got me into space, after all. They’ll think of something.

1730

NASA suggested I throw a rock at it.

1735

I don’t think NASA are taking me seriously. The first possible encounter with alien life in… well, ever, and their advice is throw a rock at it. Another suggestion please, NASA.

I suppose I should be just happy they’re even in the office after 5:00pm.

1810

Oh. They’re having a party. Also the radio technician is possibly drunk. His last message ended somewhat abruptly. I think he just fell off his chair.

Looks like I’m on my own.

1815

The light has not moved throughout any of this. As far as I can tell it’s just going to stay there outstaring me.

Maybe it’ll go away when it’s light again. When’s that?

1820

13 hours. Great.

1840

Still just sitting there. Really quite unsettling. Maybe I should flash the lights at it. What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, it could eat me and use my skin as a sock puppet.

Yup, that’s pretty much the worst case scenario. I hate sock puppets.

Well, here goes nothing.

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

1842

Nothing.

1845

Hang on, it just blinked at me. Three times.

Flash.

Flash.

1847

And it flashed at me again! Two times this time.

It’s copying me.

1848

What happens if I turn my lights off?

1850

Blast, just knocked Mr Rock off the dashboard. There, got him.

Hang on, the light just moved. When I leant over to get Mr Rock, it moved left at the same time. And now it’s back in the centre again. Is it following me?

1852

I waved Mr Rock around experimentally. The light followed my hand wherever it went.

Or…

1855

This is weird. I put Mr Rock down and waved my hand around. Nothing.

It’s not following me, it’s following Mr Rock.

…Why?

I mean, he’s neat, but… why?

This is freaking me out. You want him, you stupid light? You can have him.

Sorry, Mr Rock.

1900

Opened the door and threw Mr Rock behind the light. Off it went after him. Yes! At last it’s gone.

1905

Just realised I followed NASA’s advice after all… Oh, it’s back.

1906

THUNK

1907

And it just threw Mr Rock at me.

Twenty-Ninth Entry

March 9^th, 2037

1330

Dear Space Diary

After 24 hours of sunshine, I have finally managed to get a few hours’ sleep. I’m now wide awake, and it’s night time.

This is a cause of great confusion.

It is however very much daytime where NASA are, and they’re very keen that I go out and get them another rock sample, since I defaced the one I had originally gotten them. Well, defaced is actually almost the opposite of what I did.

In fact, I faced it.

The rock, (hereafter referred to as Mr Rock) is currently sitting on the dashboard, staring at me. It’s actually kind of creepy, but I haven’t the heart to throw him away now that I’ve given him life.

So anyway, instead of a rock with a face, NASA would like go face to face with an unfaced rock from the outside rock face.

That sentence was perhaps more confusing than it needed to be. Allow me to simplify.

I need. A rock.

The toxins from the atmosphere are well out of my system by now, so I can’t really put it off any longer. I found a torch in a storage panel behind me, but hopefully I won’t have to use it. I’ll turn on the lights on the ship and hopefully find a rock there. Don’t really want to go stumbling around in the dark.

1335

Outside. It’s pretty cold out here without the sun. Now where’s that rock I threw away yesterday?

1340

Damn it, it’s not here. 20 minutes left. Better get the torch.

1343

Here rock, rock, rock.

1344

Did I really just say that?

1351

Found one! Pretty tiny, but I’m done out here. It’ll have to do, NASA.

Now to head back to the ship.

1352

Only question is, which way is that? Really shouldn’t have turned the lights off when I left.

1355

No, no, no, I can’t be lost out here! Ten minutes of safe time left. Which way was it?

1358

I think my shin just found the hill. Ow.

1600

Brilliant! There’s the reflection. I’m close.

Ok, got to hurry now. Only five minutes of safe time left.

1602

I can see the ship! It’s a little bit away, but I should get there in time. Good thing I saw the reflection or I’d have never found it in the dark.

1603

Wait. How can I have seen the reflection if it’s night time?

What is going on? It was just there a moment ago.

This is weird. I’ve got to get back to the ship.

1605

Back, with seconds to spare. Inside.

1610

Dear NASA. I have your rock for you. I promise I will not draw a face on it.

Come and get me. NOW.

1640

NASA haven’t even launched the ship yet! And when they do it’ll take at least a month to get here. Crap.

1645

I just saw the reflection. It’s moving.

1650

And now it’s right outside the ship.

Twenty-Eighth Entry

March 9^th, 2037

0015

Dear Space Diary

Curse this infernal sun!

Not our sun. I love our sun. I miss our sun. The sun I’m referring to in this particular case is the one that Splat is currently orbiting around.

As sun’s go, I don’t especially mind it, for the most part.  It’s warm, but not boiling, it makes it easier to see things during the day, and it has yet to explode and engulf this planet in a flaming ball of annihilation.

Not that I consider that particularly likely, but you know, covering all options.

The key issue I have at this point is the day part. They last 48 hours out here.

And I’m trying. To sleep.

Anyone who paid attention in school will almost certainly tell me that it’s nothing to do with the sun at all and is in fact due to the speed that Splat is rotating on its Axis.

Which is very true, but “Curse this infernal rotation” didn’t have the same ring to it, and “Curse the infernal Axis” sounded too much like a quote from a World War II movie.

Also, I’m tired, so cut me some slack. Going to try and sleep again.

0130

Sigh.

0200

That reflection is still flashing away in the distance. I could go out and check it out now. No. Too Tired.

Hmm. Could have sworn it was over to my right though. Seems straight ahead now.

Probably just the rock glaring in the sun. It’d be afternoon now, relatively speaking.

Speaking of rocks…

0220

I’m no geologist, but this rock appears very… rocky. And extremely dull. Doesn’t really look like anything, apart from a rock. Just a dull misshapen blob.

These holes on the front do kind of look like eyes though.

I think I’ve got a marker here somewhere.

0300

The rock now has a face.

0310

Man I’m tired.

0330

Mr Rock, as I’ve taken to calling him, is sitting on the console staring at me. In an odd kind of way, he’s kind of comforting. Good to have a pet. Especially as he doesn’t require walking, feeding, or cleaning. He just kind of sits there.

0400

I love you, Mr Rock.

Ok, this is getting weird.

0430

Strange, reflection is on the left now. Why is it moving? Mind you, it’s all getting a bit hazy. I desperately need some sleep.

0450

The sun’s going down! Night time at last!

0600

Sure taking it’s time though.

0700

Getting dark. So tired. Going to try and drop off now. Any… minute…

1000

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

__

WHY HAVEN’T YOU CHECKED IN YET? PLEASE RESPOND.

1030

HAVE READ YOUR REPORTS. IN FUTURE PLEASE ENSURE SLEEP HOURS CORRESPOND WITH NASA HOURS OF OPERATION.

1100

ALSO, IN FUTURE PLEASE REFRAIN FROM NAMING, DRAWING FACES, OR OTHERWISE DEFACING OR ANTHROPOMORPHISING OFFICIAL NASA TEST MATERIALS.

WE WANT A NEW ROCK. GET ONE.

__

<END TRANSMISSION>

1230

…wow. I was really tired last night.

Mr Rock is pretty cool, though.

Twenty-Seventh Entry

March 8^th, 2037

1655

Dear Space Diary.

NASA have just helpfully reminded me that it’s been six hours since I last went outside, and I go can go out and get that rock sample for them now.  They’re about to go home for the day, but that’s ok, I can tell them all about it in the morning. How very kind of them.

I should also check out that reflection if I have the time.

It’s getting on evening Earth time, but sun wise it appears to be late morning. According to the data NASA sent through about Splat (Note to self: Find better name for planet than Splat), the planet spins about half as slow as Earth, meaning one day here goes for roughly 48 hours. Which is probably going to play havoc with my sleep tonight.

If you’re looking for things to add to the next model, some curtains wouldn’t go amiss.

Also a minibar, but let’s stick to the practical suggestions.

1705

Put it off for long enough, time to go.

1710

I’m outside. Nowhere near as cold this time. Sun a little higher. Ground is still pink and getting brighter as more sun hits it.

The air still smells like turnips.

1712

I should clarify that I dislike turnips.

Ok, let’s find a rock, then.

1713

Found one. Don’t know if it’s the type of rock they’re after, but as they didn’t say anything to me other than “Get us a rock,” this one fits the criteria I’ve been given.

1714

Have thrown the rock at the space craft.

1715

Rock went rather father than expected. Stupid low gravity.

Better go and get it.

1717

Have put – not thrown – rock inside spacecraft.

Right, after all that, I’ve… 23 minutes of outdoors time left. Can probably make it to where I saw the reflection and back in time if I hurry.

1720

I think it was this way. There’s not really a lot of defining features, it’s all just mounds of pink crumbly rock. But I think it was just beyond this hill up ahead of me.

1724

This looks like the spot. Nothing here though. The rock doesn’t even look particularly shiny. Strange.

1730

Nothing. Nothing at all. Found another good rock though. Maybe it’s worth taking this one instead.

Nah.

1731

Time to head back.

1733

I should have got that rock, it’s definitely better than the other one. Better hurry though.

1736

Got it. Not much time.

1740

Back inside, 30 seconds to spare. Have put the rock in the glove compartment for now. Not that this is an exact science, but I’m more than happy to err on the side of caution when it comes to not being irreparably poisoned.

Stuck in here for six hours now. Just me and the rock.

Oh, and I got rid of the second rock. The first one was way better.

1745

Odd that I couldn’t find the reflection.

You’d think… Oh.

It was the other direction.

Twenty-Sixth Entry

March 8^th, 2037

0555

Dear Space Diary.

NASA would tell me that this is an amazing and historic moment, except I don’t think any of them will have woken up yet.

I won’t be doing any exploring yet. All that’s on the plan today is amazing and historic roadside maintenance. If I can turn the ship the right way up I will be able to travel around the planet. More importantly, it will also hopefully mean I can go to sleep without being perched at an odd angle.

0815

NASA apparently have a different view on those priorities than I do. They made me promise I would at least grab a quick sample of the rock next to my ship so the scanner can analyse it.

I didn’t even know this thing had a scanner. Why on Earth would a prototype have a scanner?

0845

NASA like to be prepared for every eventuality.

Every eventuality except being unable to turn off the ftl engine and crash landing on an alien planet.

0920

NASA admit they didn’t see that one coming.

0930

NASA are ready and mostly awake now, so I guess it’s time to do this.

I’ve got a maximum of an hour breathing the air out there, but practically speaking I want to be back inside in about 30 minutes; otherwise I’m going to spend the next 48 hours feeling pretty sick while the more toxic parts of the atmosphere work their way through my system. Unlikely to die though, so there’s that.

0940

Ok, here we go. Doors opening… NOW.

0945

I’m here. I’m standing on the surface. No one has ever stood here before. No one has ever breathed this air.

It smells like turnip.

Rock is very crumbly underfoot, feels quite rubbery to the touch.

Note to self, wash hands afterwards.

Okay, 25 minutes on the clock, let’s do this.

0948

The ship is wedged in pretty good; it dug a small furrow for itself when it landed. Can’t just roll it out, going to need to do some digging.

0955

Rock damn easy to move. This’ll be a doddle.

1005

Mind you there is a lot of it.

Ship nearly clear, but I’m running out of time.

1009

Think that’s enough clear. Let’s give this a shot.

1011

Come on, you stupid thing. You’ve travelled light years; you can bloody well move another 5 metres.

1013

Done! It’s upright. Ok, time to head inside.

Hang on, what’s that?

1014

There’s some kind of bright light over there. Flashing at me.

1015

BEEP

Forget it, no time; I have to get inside now.

1020

Back in, being decontaminated.

I can’t see the light anymore. Must have been a reflection. Still, I wonder what it was reflecting off. I’ll have to check it later. Can’t go out for at least 6 hours though, need to get the toxins out.

Still, all in all that was a success. Should tell NASA.

1100

Blast. Forgot the bloody rock sample.

Twenty-Fifth Entry

March 7^th, 2037

0300

Dear Space Diary.

I can’t sleep.

Maybe it’s the adrenaline from yesterday’s successful launch; maybe it’s the sadness of knowing I’m such a long way from home. Or maybe it’s that the ship landed off centre yesterday, and so I’m currently attempting to sleep while angled 45 degrees downward pressed up against the side of my chair and the window.

Yeah it’s probably that. Never thought I’d say I missed zero gravity, but it had its advantages.

The problem with the adrenaline rush is there’s not really much to expend it on. I feel like I ought to be doing something, and there’s only so much Minesweeper you can play before it can no longer really be fairly classified as “doing something”.

Maybe this was NASA’s plan to get me to explore all along. Coercion by boredom.

I should try and get some sleep.

0500

Not happening.

0930

First message from NASA today. It’s Pyjama day there, apparently.

Oh, look at that, they sent me pictures.

1033

NASA have once again sent through some suggested research goals.

Sigh.

1100

Ok, NASA, you win. I’ll do your bloody research.

At least it’ll give me something to do.

1300

NASA have taken some time out from their badminton tournament to forward me the results of their atmospheric and planetary analysis.

There is, happily, oxygen in the atmosphere. Enough to breathe.

Unfortunately, there is also lead. That’s less breathable.

It is only found in minute amounts, but it is there and will definitely cause some harm if breathed in over the long term. For about more than an hour or so.

Final Analysis: Mildly lethal.

Mildly.

I of course was not given a space suit or oxygen mask of any kind, since they assumed I wouldn’t actually be going outside at any point.

Sigh.

They’ve given me five different tasks they want me to complete. When that’s done, they’ll send me more. Repeat.

First order of business, though, is turning this ship the right way up. The rightmost engine is buried in the rubble and won’t fire correctly unless I can dig it out and point the ship upwards.

Fortunately (if you can call any of this fortunate), Splat has gravity about 1/2 that of Earth. So I might actually have some luck just pushing it.

And if I come across any high jump competitions, I’m a sure thing.

Twenty-Fourth Entry

March 6^th, 2037

0700

Dear Space Diary.

After successfully pointing the ship in the right direction last night, I have spent the last 14 hours twiddling my thumbs. I could just blast off now, but feel I should confirm with NASA before I do, so they know what I’m up. It’s also worth asking them to double check my calculations as I really don’t want to end up a) In orbit, b) hitting a mountain,  c) in a black hole, or d) b, a, then c.

Another black hole. I’m already in a black hole.

I suppose I should be grateful that they’ve upgraded my computer so I can even move. And I am. But that’s countered by frustration that, upon moving my ship, I couldn’t do anything further as NASA had all gone home from the day.

I can understand why. Believe me; I’d love to work a 9-5 day. But that’s not exactly an option out here, so would it kill you guys to have someone around 24/7?

Oh well, they open in two hours.

0730

So very bored.

0800

Oh good, they’ve installed minesweeper on this thing. So there’s that.

0822

This is pretty fun.

0930

New high score! Yes!

1330

Just got an angry message from NASA asking why I hadn’t checked in yet. Whoops. On the plus side, if I ever get back to Earth I think I could turn professional.

NASA have confirmed that all systems are go for launch. They’ve taken this opportunity to advise me that they have only attempted an underground launch once in a test in 1979. But all ok, the charges were dropped.

Hmm.

They are however much more confident about this attempt, and have made some minor corrections to my figures to ensure I don’t reach escape velocity and exit the planet as well as the hole.

Launch in 2 hours.

1530

Here goes. Launching… now.

1532

Ow. Just bounced off the side of the hole.

1540

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

1547

I’m out! I can see the surface!

1548

Um, NASA, I’m still going up.

1551

NASA!

1553

Ok, falling again, thank goodness.

1555

Wait.

1601

OW. Landed.

1605

I’m still on the surface! Success! Now all I need to do is sit here until NASA comes and gets me.

1630

Which is in 4 weeks.

1640

Ooh, they have solitaire on this too.