Fifty-Second Entry

March 11^th, 2037

1645

Dear Space Diary,

So, NASA. Tell me what you know.

1715

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

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DIFFICULT TO KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. WE KNOW SO MANY THINGS.

INCIDENTALLY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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1717

…It’s not my Birthday.

1817

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NO, BUT WE HAD YOU THERE FOR A MOMENT.

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1818

I’m starting to think this is not the usual radio operator I talk to.

1850

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THEY’RE ON HOLIDAY. I WAS THE LAUNCH COMMAND ON BOTH YOUR FLIGHT, AND THE EARLIER ZUBRIN MISSION.

BUT ENOUGH PLEASANTRIES. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR DISCOVERIES ON THE PLANET OF… SPLAT.

BARBARA, MAKE A NOTE. FIRE THE PEOPLE WHO NAME OUR PLANETS.

I DON’T CARE, JUST FIRE THEM.

WHAT, PRECISELY, WOULD LIKE TO KNOW?

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1853

What do you think? Are Mary’s logs true? Did you really plan to maroon her on Mars and build a city using those Light… processing units? Why would NASA want to build a city on Mars?

1915

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WE DIDN’T. THE ZUBRIN WAS NOT A NASA CREATED MISSION. WE WERE… HIRED.

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1917

Hired?

1950

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I’M NOT AT LIBERTY TO SAY WHO BY, SO DON’T ASK.

THIS CONVERSATION WOULD GO A LOST FASTER IF YOU KEPT YOUR RESPONSES LONGER THAN SINGLE WORDS.

BARBARA, HAVE OUR PEOPLE WHO PREPARE REPORTS PREPARE A REPORT FOR OUR PILOT OUTLING THE ZUBRIN MISSION.

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2050

…Hello?

2130

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…IT APPEARS THAT THE PEOPLE WHO NAME PLANETS ARE ALSO THE PEOPLE WHO PREPARE REPORTS. I SHOULD CHECK JOB DESCRIPTIONS IN FUTURE.

NEVER MIND. ALLOW ME TO START FROM THE BEGINNING.

NASA WERE HIRED IN 2012 TO DESIGN AND OUTFIT A MANNED VOYAGE TO MARS.  CONSTRUCTION MACHINES WERE SUPPLIED ON THE SHIP, DESIGNED TO BUILD A LIVABLE CITY OUT OF KNOWN MARS MATERIALS UPON ARRIVAL.

ALL OF THIS WAS ACHIEVEABLE VIA REMOTE OPERATION, BUT AT OUR EMPLOYER’S INSISTANCE, A HUMAN WAS INCLUDED. THIS ALLOWED MEDIA SUPPORT FOR THE FIRST MANNED MISSION TO MARS, AND ALLOWED COMPLEX OBSERVATIONS AND EXPERIMENTS TO BE PERFORMED.

THE SUBJECT WOULD NOT RETURN TO EARTH.

THE GOVERNMENT HAD EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN A PERMANENT LANDING ON MARS, SO WE… NEGLECTED TO TELL THEM THEY WOULDN’T BE COMING BACK. AN EXCUSE WAS PREPARED INVOLVING A LEAKY FUEL TANK PREVENTING DEPARTURE.

UNFORTUNATELY, MID FLIGHT THE VOYAGE ENCOUNTERED AN ASTEROID, WHICH OUR TEAMS AT NASA SOMEHOW FAILED TO NOTICE, BUT WHICH WAS HURTLING DIRECTLY TOWARDS EARTH.

REST ASSURED: THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR MONITORING FOR ASTEROIDS WERE IMMEDIATELY FIRED.

ON A RELATED NOTE, WE HAD TO CLOSE THE CAFÉ SHORTLY AFTERWARDS. WE DO A LOT OF MULTITASKING HERE, APPARENTLY.

AS YOU’VE READ, DUE TO SAVING THE WORLD (YOU’RE WELCOME, BY THE WAY), THE ZUBRIN DRIFTED OFF COURSE, CRASHING INTO SPLAT 20 YEARS LATER. YOU WERE SENT AS A RESCUE. ONCE AGAIN, WE WERE UNABLE TO INFORM YOU IN ADVANCE DUE TO LEGISLATION. SO WE STAGED A MALFUNCTION. AND HERE YOU ARE.

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2135

…You mean, my ship works perfectly.

2200

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THE LEFT WINDSHIELD WIPER DOESN’T WORK, BUT OTHERWISE IT’S FINE.

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