March
21st, 2037
1925
Dear
Space Diary
Mary is
checking out the controls to make one hundred percent sure she can actually fly
this crazy thing. We will then go down to the clones and ask them what they’d
like to do.
Which leaves
me in an empty spaceship with a dog so well trained he disobeys every order I
give it.
WOOF
Be
quiet, Bobo.
WOOF!
Shh.
GRRRRRRR.
Make
noise!
…
Stupid
Bobo.
WHINE
You
heard me.
1935
Ok,
let’s test this theory.
Mary has
indeed eaten all the apples, but I found a kiwi fruit. Hopefully that won’t
splat too much.
Ok,
here goes.
Bobo!
Fetch the kiwi fruit!
Nothing.
He’s just staring me.
1936
Let’s
try again.
Don’t
fetch the ball, Bobo!
WOOF!
…Thank
you.
Bobo:
Don’t sit!
ARF!
Impressive.
So what
I have, is a dog so well trained he disobeys every order I give it, to the
point of doing the exact opposite of whatever I say.
Meaning,
reverse psychology actually works.
Awesome.
1945
…Hmm.
Bobo,
don’t make me a sandwich!
Wow. I
feel bad now. Bobo ran into the kitchen, attempted to open the fridge, couldn’t,
and now is sitting on the floor whining.
…I
think I broke him.
Bobo, make
me a sandwich!
WOOF!
That’s better.
Bobo is
actually quite a clever. For a dog.
GRRR
For anyone.
GRRR
Ever.
ARF
Good
boy.
2013
“Right,
we’re good. Controls are nice and easy. And the FTL drive, to my best guess, is
actually a little faster than the one in your ship. Plus we wouldn’t be
dragging mine, so we should definitely consider… why is the floor covered in
bits of kiwi fruit?”
Because
you ate all the apples.
“…sure.
Anyway, we need to make a decision. Or rather, the clones do. If they want to
come back to Earth, this is the ship we take. If they want to stay, then you
and I have a conversation to have.”
Agreed.
Shall we?
“Yep.
Let’s go.”
Ok.
Bobo! Don’t stay here until I get back!
“Don’t
say that! We don’t want him to run off.”
Oh don’t
worry, he won’t leave the ship now.
“Why
not?”
Reverse
psychology.
“You’re
quite strange, you know that?”
I’ll
take that as a compliment.
“You
really shouldn’t.”
2130
“So it
comes down to this, my fellow Marys. You can choose. Either return to Earth
with us, or stay on Splat with the city. We’ll respect your decision either
way. Know that if you go to Earth, you can live any life you want.”
Provided
that life involves work, money, and putting the garbage out once a week.
“While
here, on Splat, you will be looked after, and cared for by the lightdogs. Food
will be in unlimited supply, and you will all live very stable and safe lives.
But it will be the only life you can lead.”
Any
questions? Yes, 3rd from the back.
“So…
this would be like our planet?”
Yes.
“Can we
change the name?”
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