134th Entry

March 23^rd, 2037

1000

Dear Space Diary

We thought we had no clones on board. Now we have one. So that’s a start I guess.

“A start, but unless you guys get started on procreation really quickly, we’re going to be stuck here for a very long time.”

“I’m ok with that.”

I’m not!

“Spoilsport.”

Besides, it would take too long, we’d have to, um, conceive pretty much non-stop for 30 years. Which is pretty much how long it’d take to get home anyway.

“But it’d pass the time.”

Mary, were you like this at her age?

“No. But then I’d been alive for 20 years at her age. She’s had three months to come to terms with adulthood, hormones and all. Remember your teenage years? Well speed them up about 22 times and that’s what she’s been through.”

I wish my teenage years had been sped up 22 times.

“Don’t we all. Anyway, the point I’m making, is, cut her some slack. Ok?”

…Ok.

“Great. Now say sorry.”

Sorry, Mary 3.0.

“It’s ok darling, I forgive you. But, could you call me Mary? Just Mary? There’s only the three of us now, surely I don’t need to be 3.0?”

“She’s right, it’s kind of superfluous.”

You’re right, I get it. But there’s still too of you. I know, how about I call you Young Mary, and I’ll call you –

“Don’t you dare.”

M1 and M2?

“We’re not bananas or freeways, so no.”

Mother Mary?

“Waaaaay too biblical.”

Well, what do I call you then?

“Well, no offense to the other one, but I was here first.”

“None taken.”

“So I think I should be just plain Mary. You can be Mary 2.0 now.”

“Well it is a promotion… no, wait I can’t do that. Mary 2.0 was so important to us! It’d be disrespectful to take her name.”

Well, ok, what do we call you, then? We can’t call you Mary, we can’t call you Mary 2.0?

“Well how about Mary 3.0?”

“Yeah that sounds good, I like it.”

…So we’re going to call you exactly what we’ve always called you?

“Good idea! That’s probably the simplest.”

“I agree.”

You’re both very strange.

1011

“I think I’ve worked out a way to get us home.”

You mean faster, I hope.

“Yes, faster. The engines are locked until the scanner detects an appropriate number of clones on board. So, we need more clones.”

But we’ve only got one. And unless you’ve got a cloning vat in your carry-on luggage, then I can only think of one way of getting many clones out of one. And I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of chopping 3.0 into little tiny pieces.

“Aww, darling! You do care.”

“But we don’t have to chop her up. All it’s scanning for is her DNA in separate organic entities. So we just need to put her DNA in a hundred organic things.”

Organic?

“DNA?”

“Yes.”

“You mean… my DNA?”

What organic things?

“How’s the fruit supply?”