208th Entry

June 4^th, 2037

1230

Dear Earth Diary

“Everybody here?”

Excellent. Now let’s move quietly and –

“CHARGE!!!!”

1240

Despite their zeal, the guards are actually pretty good at moving through here quietly. Which is good, because even with all these people we still don’t know where the clone factory actually is. So we may have a lot of ground to cover. I really don’t want to be caught again.

Although I suppose that’s somewhat unlikely given that the people who would normally catch me are currently escorting me through the facility they’re supposed to be guarding –

“He’s doing a monologue! I love these!”

I must confess while I appreciate the help –

“Wait for it…”

Their enthusiasm can be a little overwhelming.

“BOOM!”

I’m sorry, do you mind, I’m trying to record this all.

“Sorry, sorry. Just so excited to be a part of it.”

Would it be possible to be a silent part of it?

“Oh wow, silent part. I’m down. You won’t hear another word out of me.”

Good, thank you.

“HEY GUYS! WE’RE BEING A SILENT PART!”

“YAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

Ugh. Never mind. Let’s just find this factory.

“Question.”

Yes?

“Why are they building clones?”

I really don’t know. Because they can? All I know is what they’re doing is wrong. And pretty hugely illegal. And they hurt a lot of my friends to do this. And me. I’m a friend of me, and they hurt me.

“You’re a friend of you. Hmm. Deep.”

Please stop saying everything I say is deep. Let’s just stop this thing.

“Oh! Oh! Question.”

Sigh. Yes?

“How are you going to stop this thing?”

…Well, I don’t know. We’ll go in there, and we’ll stop it.

“Yes, but… how?”

I’ll work something out when I get there. That basically sums up the last few months of my life, ok? If I’m not crashing into planets I’m getting attacked by robotic space dogs, finding giant abandoned cities, getting saved by non-robotic Earth dogs, and working it out when I get there. All my friends are alone together on a planet very far away, and the one thing I really regret is I don’t have the faintest idea where Mr Rock is!

“…Um.”

Ok I’m getting worked up. Sorry.

“Sure.”

Ignore the part about Mr Rock.

“I’ll keep my eyes out for him.”

He’s on Splat. I’m sorry. It’s been a long… life. When all this over, I’ll find another bloody rock, draw a face on him and take him to the movies.

Actually no I won’t, because that is crazy talk, and I am not crazy.

“No! No. You’re quite sane. So sane.”

Good. Let’s go.

1333

“Ok it has to be behind this door.”

Why do you say that?

“Because we’ve already checked all the other ones.”

All of them?

“Apart from the women’s toilets. We could get in trouble.”

Whereas destroying a cloning facility is fine?

“That’s justice. Do what you have to do.”

Ok.

“But stay out of the women’s toilet.”

Fine.

CLICK