187th Entry

May 6^th 2037

0655

Dear Space Diary

Must…

0657

Try…

0659

And focus.

Ugh. My head feels like a cement truck poured cement on my head from a cement truck that poured cement on my head.

…Wow I’m really out of it.

Starting to clear up a bit though. My eyes are still a little fuzzy but I can see… what’s that button say? …Snooze? What happens if I –

May 8^th 2037

0659

…Ah.

Feel remarkably clearer. The gas must take a while to get out of your system.

So the big question is how do I actually get out of here?

…hang on, there’s something written on the door. I swear that wasn’t there a moment ago.

T   PE    OR

 LEASE  MONS ATE

YOU ARE   AKE

…What the hell does that mean? I am ake? What’s an ake?

Hang on, there’s more letters.

TO PEN OR

PLEASE DEMONS  ATE

YOU ARE AWAKE

That makes even less sense! To pen or please demons with food? And they’re awake? What?

TO OPEN DOOR

PLEASE DEMONSTRATE

YOU ARE AWAKE

Ah, that’s more like it. But how do I demonstrate that I am awake?

<CONFIRMED>

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

…Well that was easy.

0704

As a note to any would be travellers who think that suspended animation is all glamorous. Food waste tubes. Less than pleasant to remove.

But at least I’m out of there. But where, exactly? It’s been a month according to the clock. Am I… are we home? Will I see Earth if I look out the window.

0707

Nope. Do those stars look familiar? Who am I kidding? I don’t know stars. Certainly not on a first name basis.

Hang on, maybe it’s the wrong window. If we’re heading for Earth, I should probably be looking out…

0711

Oh my.

That’s the Earth. The actual real Earth.

I’m home.

Look! There’s… actually what country IS that?

Oh who cares? I’m home!!!!

I gotta wake the Marys. They’ll want to see this. 3.0’s never even seen it before!

0713

Hmm. Thought I left the door open. Must auto close? What did she say the code was? Um… got it!

Hmm, Mary’s left me a note.

“I’ve woken you up a few days early so you can get some quiet time like you wanted. I’ve set our timers to wake up at 0900 on May the 9^th. The ship is yours till then. If you want to contact the Marys and see how they’re going I’m sure they’d appreciate it.

Have fun!

-Mary (the real one)”

Thanks Mary. Hmm, good idea. Then a day to myself to rest.

After sleeping for a month.

Eh.

0743

Marys are well.  No sign of NASA being up to anything, so I think the plan worked!

Cooked up a few serves of bacon. Not eggs and bacon. Just bacon. Because, well, because bacon. Left it cooling while I had a shower.

Heading back to the kitchen now, whereupon I shall feast on -

Hey, where did it go?