191st Entry

May 9^th, 2037

1145

Dear Space Diary

“What’s behind the locked door?”

I don’t know. It’s locked. Please don’t hit me! I really don’t know!

“Fine.”

VEEEEEEEEEEE

Well. Thank goodness for that.

I think by getting punched in the face so often I’ve lulled Grunty McSoldierFace into thinking I genuinely don’t know anything. Fortunately he left before he punched me enough that it became true.

Speaking of locked doors though, The Marys are probably going to wake up soon if they haven’t already. I’ve got to get to them before he does and warn them we’re not alone. This is slightly difficult given I’m effectively bolted to this cupboard. Which is bad for a) me, and b) the cupboard.

So, my current objectives are:

1. Escape captivity.
2. Warn the Marys.

3. Wash the taste of that nutrient bar out of my mouth. Possibly with some kind of drainage cleaner.

To be honest, it’s probably going to be 1, 3, 2. I’d be happiest if it was 3, 1, 2.

Fortunately, escape is easier than they thought it would be. Jokes on you guys, you used no-lock single twist bolts on these straps. I’ll admit I might have had some trouble if you’d opted for triple twist dual-locks, but this is child’s play. Who did you think you’d marooned in deep space? I used to work in assembly before you threw me in that stupid pod. Time for me to shine.

The secret is that while the no-lock single twists are firm enough and are certified for interior pressurised construction, they feature a self-release mechanism so you can, for example, get past a broken door if it’s an emergency. Such as, the ship is on fire.

And I know where the release is. Just have to press it, and these straps will be off in no time.

Now, I just need to move my hand, and…

Oh yeah, I’m tied up.

Hmm. Well, that was a lot of bravado over nothing.

If only I had something I could poke them with, I could reach them! Even a pen would do.

Wait! I have a pen in my shirt pocket! I just need to take it out and… oh yeah. Tied up.

1203

Ok, I can just about reach the pen with my teeth and…

Dropped it. Great. Now how am I going to…

VEEEEEEEEEE

“Dude. What’s with all the noise? Army dude’s getting all worked up.”

Sorry. Just trying to escape.

“Man. Just give up. Enjoy the ride. I bolted you in myself. It’s not like those bolts are going to just pop out or anything.”

Yeah. I guess I’d have to be really stupid to think that.

“It’s ok man. We’re all stupid, you know?”

Really? You?

“Surprising, I know.”

Totally. Um. Dude.

“Now you’re getting it. Hey, um. Are there really no clones on board?”

Told you. I lost them.

“Bummer.”

Don’t suppose you could help me escape?

“Sorry.”

Worth a shot.

“Oh hey, you dropped your pen.”