216th Entry

June 4^th, 2037

2120

Dear Earth Diary

So it’s decided then.

“Yes. Destroy the clone facility, keep the clones safe until we expose NASA’s plan, then eat cake.”

We never talked about cake.

“Are you saying you don’t want cake?”

I’d like to be clear. I never said that.

“Excellent. So it’s a plan.”

It’s a plan!

2122

…Something feels weird.

“That we actually know what we’re doing?”

Yeah I think that’s it.

“It’s a good thing. We know how to stop them! We can actually end this.”

High five!

“No.”

Ok.

2124

“Any idea where they keep the spare fuel around here?”

And we’re back.

2140

Mary and I split up and are searching for the extra fuel. I’m keeping an eye out for any additional lab facilities where they might be doing the actual clone growing. 3.0’s lab is all doused and ready to burn, but it didn’t have any facilities that could produce the large number of clones we found, so I’m guessing that was mostly research and development. Mary isn’t the largest of people, but it’s not like the clones would only be the size of 200ish oranges.

And one avocado.

The upshot being, there has to be another lab somewhere, where they could grow the clones, then send them up to the packing warehouse to be shipped out.

Problem is, I’ve been most everywhere I can think of, and there’s nothing to suggest something that big is anywhere in this facility. So unless it’s somewhere else, it must be really well hidden.

And it can’t be somewhere else, because if it was, we’d be screwed.

So it’s definitely here.

Definitely.

2150

Lacking any better ideas, I’m heading back to the warehouse to see if I can trace it backwards from there. Worth a shot I guess.

Oh, there’s one of the guards! Maybe they can help.

Hi there! Listen, I’m looking for –

…Why are you facing away from me?

Stop that.

“Nothing to report! There’s nobody here. Just an empty corridor. Tra-la-la. Wink.”

Did you just say wink?

“I’m practising being Space Guy. For fun! Not that I have seen him or ever spoken to him, or even know who he is. Wink again.”

Hey guard, since I’m not here –

“Wow, this corridor is so empty!”

...Why not remind yourself about anything you saw that might hint towards the secret clone lab, that’d be fun?

“Why, I’d be happy to, since no one is here. Of course, I’m forbidden to discuss it, even with myself. It’s in my contract.”

Of course it is.

“But it’s my lunch break soon, so I’m going to have a PIPEing hot lunch in the WAREHOUSE.”

Eh?

“Afterwards, I might smoke a PIPE.”

…Ah.

“And then I might go check out the PIPES in the WAREHOUSE.”

I got it.

“Oh thank goodness for that. Er, not that you’re here.”

It’s all good, I’m not.

“Wink!”

…Wink.

“Hot damn! Wait til I tell my kids about what did not just happen!”