218th Entry

June 4^th, 2037

2342

Dear Earth Diary

Ok, so after giving up trying to move some very heavy crates around and instead using a device that is actually designed to do that (I am not designed to do that), I finally have a stack of boxes that can be used a very large, very small staircase.

That last bit made no sense. The stairs themselves are large; the number of stairs is small.

Everybody understand?

Still just me? Talking to myself?

Okay then.

Actually now I think about it this is the first time today that I’ve really been by myself for any extended period of time. It’s been a long day. Oh well, only 18 minutes left.

…I should probably sleep at some point.

2349

After some highly dignified climbing that I choose not to describe, I have managed to get to the top. The pipe is right above me and in easy reach.

What I’ve yet to precisely nail down is how I’m going to climb up the pipe itself.

Hmm, well it doesn’t look toooo slippery. I hope? It’s wide enough for a person to slide out, but not so wide that I couldn’t wedge myself in and stop be falling right back out again.

2353

Ok, let’s give this a shot. Grabbed the mattress with the forklift and put that on top of the boxes, so even if I plummet I hopefully won’t be too dead.

Unless the boxes give way, in which case, who knows? Anyway. Less thinking, more not dying.

Ok, here we go. Just a small jump and OH DEAR GOD I’M GOING TO DIE

…Hey I’m alive. Cool!

May have underestimated the distance between me and the pipe, or perhaps overestimated by ability to jump. I haven’t really done jumping since Splat, and the gravity was much less there.

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Alright well now that I am suitably humbled, let’s try that again. If I aim right I should be able to grab the edge and pull myself up from there.

Ok… Hup!

Urgh!

I did it! I got it! Hanging on to the edge of the pipe.

…Now what do I do?

They make this look so easy. You grab the edge, pull yourself up, and away you go.

Just pull myself up, and away I go.

Away I go.

…Yeah not happening.

2355

I think I’m losing my grip. Uh oh.

Maybe I should try swinging a bit, see if I can get my foot on to the other side.

CRASH

Ok that was a bad idea.

Just kicked the boxes over. The mattress is now… over there, rather than right below me. I’m going to do some damage if I drop from this height.

Maybe I should try swinging… No! That was a terrible idea last time.

On the other hand I genuinely can’t think of a better one.

Ok, let’s aim towards the mattress, and throw myself towards it…

2356

SUCCESS!!!!

….Ow.