June 5th,
2037
0903
Dear
Earth Diary
Life
has brought me many changes over the last five months. Some good, some bad.
For
starters, I’m no longer on fire. That’s good.
I
am also now bald.
“Some
people find bald men attractive.”
Are
you one of those people?
“Some
people.”
Great.
“Look
on the bright side, no hair is better than straggly clumps of burnt hair.”
I
feel so much better.
“Are
you two done yet? I want my shaving kit back.”
Why
do you even have a shaving kit?
“There
are times when you need a body to be hairless before you – “
And
stop.
0910
“Right,
done. You ok?”
It
stings a bit.
“I’ve
got some burn cream in the car.”
Do
you have anything else? Like a wig?
“Shut
up and follow me I’m setting fire to this lab in 30 seconds and I don’t
especially mind if you’re still in it, however you might, and I seriously don’t
have enough burn cream for that.”
Ok,
ok.
“Whatever
you do, just make sure the door doesn’t close. I’ve got to toss the match down
there.”
Ok,
jeez. I’m not stupid.
CLICK
“WAS
THAT THE DOOR CLOSING?!”
Actually
I think it might have been a gun.
“What
makes you say that?”
The
fact that that man is pointing a gun at us.
“…Oh.”
“Hands
up!”
They
are up.
“And
keep them up! You! What are you doing?”
“I’m
lighting this match so I can throw it down these stairs.”
“Well…
don’t! Throw it somewhere else! Now!”
FWOOMPH!
“What
just happened?”
You
told him to throw the match away.
“Yes?”
So
he did.
“Yes?”
He
through it at my bag. Which incidentally is doused in experimental rocket fuel.
“Oh.”
It’s
probably going to explode real soon.
“Throw
it away!”
Sure
thing.
“NOT
DOWN THE STAIRS!”
CLANG
…
FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHH
Bye,
3.0.
June 9th,
2037
1300
Dear
Earth Diary
More
lunch?
“Oh
no, thank you. I’m completely full.
Another
drink, then?
“Yes
please!”
Well
on the whole I thought that went very well. We torched the lab, ended the clone
program, and gave 3.0 a proper viking funeral.
“Yes.”
All’s
well that ends well.
“That
was very clever of you, throwing the bag down the stairs like that.”
Well,
I had to throw it somewhere. After all, it was
on fire.
“Ha
ha! Yes, it was.”
Still,
I couldn’t have done it without you Mary. You helped me find the lab, even
tracked down that scary Janitor person.
“Actually
he contacted me. He’d been planning an attack for months. It was a mutual
arrangement.”
Still,
I owe you my life Mary, thank you. If you hadn’t have got me out of my cell, I
would have been executed for sure.
“It
was my pleasure. We’re friends, after all.”
We
are! Most certainly we are. Hug?
“Hug!”
Awwwww.
“…Of
course, we are now back in a cell, awaiting execution.”
Yes.
“So
that sucks.”
It
does.
“Mm.”
“Will
you both please shut up?”
