193rd Entry

May 9^th, 2037

1330

Dear Space Diary

“For  the last time, let us in!”

No!

“We promise we won’t hurt you.”

You’ve already hurt me multiple times.

“…More.”

Try again.

“Listen. You’re in a lot of trouble. If you come out now I’ll do my best to protect you.”

You’re the one trying to arrest me!

“Alright, if you don’t come out I’ll make it even worse for you.”

You’ve already told me I’m going to get the worst possible punishment. What are you going to do, give me a 2^nd life sentence?

“…”

Any other avenues you’d like to try?

“Dude, tell him we have cookies!”

“Shut up, intern… um, we have…”

Nope.

“Damn it. We’ll be back. Come on. It’s not like he’s going anywhere. We’ll be back, do you hear me?”

You’re shouting. So yes.

STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP

Thank goodness for that. If I hadn’t bolted myself in here, they would have stormed in and I’d be locked up again. Or dead. Either way I’ll call this a win.

Now, how to escape from the room that I’ve bolted myself into.

Preferably without them finding out that I’ve escaped. The longer they’re distracted here, the more time the Mary’s have to swing into action.

So… how do I get out?

1340

Ok, so the door is bolted. The sink is fixed to the wall. There’s no secret passageway in the cupboard and the window doesn’t open. That’s a good thing, because where it leads to is space.

I am improperly dressed for space.

Which means that I am… out of options. Unless… where’s that breeze coming from?

1343

Found it!

There’s a ventilation duct in the corner of the room. A big one too. I’m not the thinnest guy in the room (wait, yes I am), but I should be able to fit in quite easily. The grates just screwed in too. There are only two possible problems.

One, it’s waaaay up there in the corner. It’s going to take some reaching.

And two. Breeze means fans. Big fans. Big, sharp, spinning death fans.

But it's the best chance I've got.

First, I’m going to need to get up there.

1347

Urgh.

Yaaaargh.

Eeeeeeeeeeeuuuurgh.

Damn it, why are tall things so heavy?

Ok, cupboard successfully under the vent. Looks high enough to comfortably reach the vent!

Now, how do I get on the cupboard?

1353

EEEEEEUUURRGGGH.

Why are short things heavy? Damn it, everything’s just heavy.

But a cabinet, two shelves, and a table are now all under the vent, arranged a suitably gradual staircase fashion.

I expended quite a lot of effort in order to be quite lazy.

I’ve also found a sturdy looking pipe that I think could be used as fan stopper. We’ll have to see how that plays out.

Almost managed to pry it free from the…

FZZZZZT KSSSHHHHH BZZZZZZZZZZZZ VVVVVVUUuuuuuuuuuuu

…What did I just do?

Whoa!

The gravity just went off. I can just float to the vent!

…after moving everything.

192nd Entry

May 9^th, 2037

1204

Dear Space Diary.

Oh, so I have. Butterfingers.

“Here, let me pick it up for you.”

Thanks. Actually I’m left handed.

“Oh, sorry dude. I’ll just move it over.”

You’re too kind.

“What are you using the pen for, anyway? Trying to write something? Do you want me to find some paper?”

No, actually. I’m going to use it escape.

“Hahaha. With a pen? You’re a funny dude. I like that in a dude.”

Er, thanks. I have a fiancé.

“Your loss, man. Later, chiller.”

VEEEEEEEEEEE

Young whippersnapper.

Stupid, stupid, wonderfully helpful young whippersnapper. Now let me just reach round here and…

CLICK

…

CLUNK

It worked! I did it! I’m free! YES!!!!

…oh bugger.

1207

Good, they didn’t hear me.

CLICK

CLUNK

CLICK

CLUNK

CLICK

CLUNK

CLICK

…

Come on you stupid rusted piece of –

CLUNK

There we go. Right. First thing’s first. Lock myself in so they can’t get in. One of these bolts will do just fine.

CLUNK

CLICK

Perfect. Step 2. Have to contact the Marys. They must be up by now. I just hope I can find them before Army Dude and Hippy Face get to them. They should be hard to find though, so long as they know we’re not alone? Mary followed me for ages without me noticing. Both young and old. They must be awesome at staying out of sight.

Yeah. So long as they don’t accidentally make themselves known before they realise we’ve got company, this should be a walk in the park.

A walk in the space park. Which has no atmosphere.

In fact, how are we going to escape? Mary’ll think of something. She’s smarter than me. Although, I did just solve the mystery of the bolts, so move over, sisters.

CLICK

…What was that?

“HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?”

Oh no. Stop, stop.

“WHERE ARE YOU MAN? IT’S 3.0. MARY’S HERE TOO.”

Shut up! Shut up! Don’t let them know where you -

“WE’RE IN THE SLEEPING QUARTERS. DID YOU FORGET THE CODE AGAIN? IT’S –“

No!!!!!

“3. 3. 4. 5.”

…AAARRGH!!!!!!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

3.0! Can you hear me?

“HEY! MORNING!! DID YOU SLEEP WELL?”

Shut up and listen! I can hear you! The whole ship can hear you!

“WELL DUH. IT’S THE SHIP BROADCAST SYSTEM.”

There are people here! On the ship! From NASA! They would have heard it too! They had me trapped, but they don’t know I’ve escaped! You’ve both got to get out of there now, they’re coming for you!

“SHIT. WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?”

I couldn’t find the intercom! Listen, if they find you, I don’t know what they’ll do to you. You have to hide! Get off comms. I’ll come and find you, just go! Now!

“WE’RE GOING. WILL YOU BE OK? WHAT? OH. HANG ON A MOMENT.”

What?

“IT’S MARY HERE. LISTEN, YOU’RE TALKING ON THE SHIPWIDE TOO, YEAH? SO DOESN’T THAT MEAN THEY CAN HEAR YOU TOO?”

…Gotta go.

“SAME. BE SAFE.”

Thanks. You too.

CLICK