Monday, November 30, 2015

224th Entry

June 10th, 2037

1030

Dear Earth Diary

CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP

So I can I ask a question.

“Silence, prisoner.”

CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP

What happened to the other guards? The nice ones?

“They quit.”

When?

“’Bout an hour ago.”

…Oh.

CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP

So what happens now?

“You die.”

Not for another 4 hours and 15 minutes.

“Maybe it just takes that long.”

I’m going to stop asking questions now.

“That was the idea.”

CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP

1045

“Sit there.”

That’s a cardboard box.

SLAP

“Sit there.”

Yes, sir.

“Better.”

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

What are you doing?

“Calling the boss.”

The boss?

SLAP

“Yes.”

…Ow.

“Hello? We’re here. Okay.”

CLICK

CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP

Nice working with you.

“You’ll be dead soon.”

SLAM

Charming guy.

“Stay calm. It’s all going to be okay.”

Providing I can talk nonsense for 4 and a half hours.

“You’ve managed five months so far.”

Hey!

“Sorry, you made it too easy.”

Any chance you can fill me in on what the plan is before… whoever… gets here?

“I don’t want you to accidentally give it away.”

What about if you accidentally give it away?

“I don’t give things away.”

I admire your confidence.

“I admire your… thank you.”

Hey.

“Again. Too easy.”

Give me a hint.

“Astronomy.”

…Nope, not getting it.

“Hopefully your stars are aligned.”

Still nothing.

“It’ll hit you sooner or later.”

You’re not helping.

“I really am.”

Listen, just tell me what –

FWEEEEEET

“Well hello.”

Who are you?

“Hm. Let’s go with Smith, shall we?”

Is that your actual name?

“No. Pleasure to meet you.”

Somehow I doubt that.

“Oh no it is. When I sent you out there, you were just a name in a pre-typed obituary.”

Er.

“But to actually meet you is something I never thought would happen. We were so… going to abandon you in space, and yet here you are!”

I’m so pleased.

“Me too! I’m so glad you’re back.”

…You are?

“I’m back too.”

Yes, Mary, you are! But we were always going to bring you back.

“I know you were going to leave me on Mars.”

Only for a few years. But once the clones were all ready to go we were totally going to bring you back with them!

“Oh?”

And then after, we’d kill you.

“There it is.”

But you. You I never thought I’d see. But now I get to tell you about everything! You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to tell someone.

“But I’m going to die anyway.”

“Exactly! But everyone else, if I tell them, I’d have to kill them. And I like everyone else. But you, you’re going to die. So it doesn’t matter if I brag a little.”

Charming.

“I thought about maybe going to find someone in jail, but this is so much easier.”

Please stop talking.

“What, you don’t want to know why you went through what you did?”

…Go on then. Tell me about it. In as much detail as possible.


“Use long words.”

Monday, November 16, 2015

223rd Entry

June 10th, 2037

0900

Dear Earth Diary

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Oh dear God. They put in a new alarm clock and it’s the same alarm as on my spaceship and it’s driving me insane. I’ll just put it on snooze.

…There are no buttons.

“Ugh. It’s the deluxe version with voice control. Hurry up and turn it off”

Oh. Ahem. ‘Snooze.’

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Snooze.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

SNOOZE!

BEEP, BEEP, BE -  DID YOU SAY SNOOZE?

Yes.

THE WORD SNOOZE IS NOT FOUND IN MY VOCABULARY.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Oh dear God.

0921

BEEP, BEEP, BE –

…I think that did it.

“Thank goodness for that. Did you find the shut off?”

No. I just threw it in the toilet.

“That’d do it. Do you know what today is?”

Tuesday?

“Wednesday, but that’s not what I meant. It’s June the 10th.”

Yeah I know that. It’s also coincidentally the day I get executed.

“No it isn’t.”

What?

“It’s Mary Saves The Day!”

How –

“…Day.”

- Are you planning to do that?

“That would spoil the surprise.”

I am quite okay with that.

“Besides, I already told you. Ages back.”

You did?

“Well, I strongly hinted, anyway. June 10th, 1500.”

…I vaguely remember that. What happens at 1500?

“That would spoil the – “

Oh shut up. There’s something you forgot too, you know.

“What?”

That it’s also I Get Executed Day… Day.

“You didn’t need to say day twice. And I hadn’t forgotten. It’s my execution too. I put a reminder in my phone.”

And that’s at 1445. In other words, whatever you’ve planned, it will be too late.

“That’s why we need to stall them.”

How are you planning on doing that?

“What’s the thing you hate most about NASA?”

That they put me in a spaceship and blasted me in to space and then pretended the ship was faulty so I would crash land on a planet where their secret clone army had been grown by mistake?

“…What’s the thing you hate second-most about NASA?”

Um… I dunno. How obsessed they are with rules?

“Exactly. We just need to our bureaucratic them.”

I’m not sure you’re using that word correctly.

“That’s good! Use that one!”

1000

CLANG

“Ok scum, get up! Do you know what day it is?”

Wednesday?

“…Yes. But it’s also the day when you die!”

You’ve got a real way with words.

“Shut up. Let’s go.”

Hang on, don’t we get breakfast.

“Why waste food on dead people?”

What about our last meal?

“When was the last time you ate?”

Last night.

“That would be your last meal then.”

…Damn it.

“Come on.”

Okay, but we’ll need to stop on the way so I can use the bathroom.

“Just use the toilet over there.”

It’s alarmed.

“…Whatever. Come on.”

1011

Mary, I’m kind of scared.

“Just follow my lead and everything will be fine.”

Are you sure?

“I promise.”

It’s just that…

“What?”

How can I follow your lead if you’re behind me?


“I hate you.”