229th Entry

June 10^th, 2037

1515

Dear Earth Diary

Mary, are you dead?

If you aren’t dead then please answer.

If you are dead… well.

I have so many questions. How did you know when the pod would land. Why did you tell me to look for a star? You wouldn’t be able to see the pod from the surface.

Was that poetry, Mary? Because I’m getting really sick of poetry. Also of you being dead.

So stop it.

1517

Okay, new plan. You: just lie there. Me: I’ll get us out of here. If you agree, lie there unconscious.

Excellent.

1518

There’s nothing useful in the pod. It survived the crash pretty well, which I guess is not all that surprising given it was designed with the express purpose of smashing into things.

The… mastermind, I guess, was not as equally well designed. I should send a note to the designer.

‘Dear Mrs. Mastermind,’ ok you know what this is not the time for my usual tangents.

Nothing in the pod. It’s full of rocks just like we left it. Except it seems that Mary strapped Mr. Rock to the driver’s seat. His smile is as irritating as ever.

Guess you’re coming with me, Mr. Rock. I forgot to buy a postcard so you’ll do.

Ok, well, I guess I should just… leave.

1520

Please don’t take this the wrong way, Mary, but you’re pretty heavy. To carry, anyway.

…Was kind of hoping you’d be so insulted you’d come back to life and berate me.

No? Ok then.

1530

I kind of wish we had a map.

1533

Think I’ve been down this corridor before.

Oh dear, just stepped in the Mastermind. Yes, I’ve definitely been here before.

Ew.

1540

Well I found the lifts. That’s something. And they still seem to be working too, which is a definite plus. There’s a sign that reads “Do not use in an emergency,” but given the emergency is I’m carrying a heavy person, I’m inclined to overlook it.

1543

I hate lift music.

Oh. it’s stopped. And now everything is creaking.

SNAP

Uh oh.

1548

Lift less working than I thought it was. So on the downside, I’m now four levels lower than when I started.

On the upside, everyone who was previously conscious and/or not a rock is still as such. It’s the little things.

1555

At last, the stairs. At least these can’t break.

1559

The stairs broke. Now five levels lower than when I started.

1623

Ok so I eventually tracked down the fire escape, which was made of a far less breaky material, probably because it was expressly designed for emergencies.

Also I’ve gotten my exercise for the rest of my life so that will free up some time.

But I’m on the ground floor at last. And the front door is right over there. Daylight at last.

No guards. Guess they fled. Smart people.

But… I don’t know where to go, or how –

“Oh good! You’re here. Finally.”