April 3rd, 2037
0400
Dear Space Diary
This is your plan?
“Yes. Now please be quiet, I’m trying to concentrate.”
To read every medical book in the library.
“Shut up! Read harder!”
0415
“Anything?”
Steam is effective in clearing the sinuses. Or in other
words, no. You must admit that trying to find the remedy for a condition – when
we don’t actually know what it is – from a list of every condition ever is
going to be a less than a cakewalk.
“Yeah agreed. But it’s in here, and we’ll find it.”
Surely there’s a faster way?
“None I can think of. This is how I work. Find book. Read
book. Fix stuff.”
Well we better keep reading then.
“Agreed.”
I really want cake now.
“Me too.”
0430
“Nothing. This is hopeless. It could take us a lifetime to
find what we’re after. And I’ve done that before. There’s no way we can find
it.”
Actually I’ve just had an idea.
“Show off. What is it?”
This ship is fully automated. NASA pretty much didn’t
expect the clones would have to – or know how to – operate any of the
facilities.
“Correct.”
In other words, everything should work by itself.
“Correct.”
So presumably the med-bay does as well.
“Corr… ah ha.”
Precisely.
“Ok, I’ll go check out the med-bay. You keep reading in case
we find something.”
Great plan. Just one small alteration to make. I’ll see you
in a bit. Have fun reading.
“Not a chance.”
0443
“Paper beats rock, really?”
Yes. How do you not know this?
“Blast. So that makes… 2 each.”
We probably shouldn’t have been playing for an odd number.
“Should we do another 4?”
Oh let’s just both go.
0446
“This is amazing! A fully automatic medical clinic. “
Mm, I’m not convinced.
“But think! It could perform vital heart surgery, even if
there wasn’t a doctor around!”
And if there was a power surge while it was performing that
vital heart surgery?
“…ouch.”
Yup. But it should be perfect for our purposes. Plug her
in.
“Do we have to actually plug her in to something?”
I hope not.
0448
Is there a manual anywhere?
“Not that can I see. But I’d suggest pressing that button.”
Which one?
“The one that says ON in large letters.”
Good as place as any.
“No, not really.”
BEEP
SCANNING. SCANNING. SCANNING.
Well, at least it doesn’t have NASA’s usual infomercial.
WELCOME TO HEAL-U-GOOD
“You had to open your mouth.”
0512
I brought you coffee.
“Thanks.”
Anything?
“Nope. Just scanning for viruses.”
Sounds like she’s a computer.
“That’s pretty much what it’s doing. Scans for errors and
fixes. Upgrades immune system.”
Wow. Maybe I should plug myself in next.
“Removes spyware…”
What?
“Defragments cells…”
Er…
“Backs up the brain.”
Ok, now I know you’re messing with me.
“Yeah ok, I was.”
Thought so.
“I made most of it up yes. Apart from the virus bit.”
Couldn’t fool me.
“And the brain back up bit.”
…Really?
“Fooled you.”
SCAN COMPLETE
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