183rd Entry

April 10th, 2037 

  

1000 

  

Dear Space Diary 

  

How are we looking? 

  

“I don’t know about you, but I’m looking fabulous.” 

  

…And the launch? 

  

“Yes, that’s fine too. Both ships are fuelled and ready to go.” 

  

How’s the door release mechanism? 

  

“Well, me and the Marys spent most of yesterday going over a neat little design if I do say so. It tracks the oxygen levels to detect when the ship moves from external air filters to internal supplies and then overrides the door switch to release, and at the same time triggers the release of the rocks.” 

  

That’s very impressive. 

  

“Thanks! I thought so. It only has one tiny drawback.” 

  

What’s that? 

  

“It doesn’t work. Like, at all. So I just had the Marys bust the locks with a crowbar.” 

  

But how will you get them to open once they’re in space. 

  

“A sudden burst of thermal and kinetic energy.” 

  

A bomb? 

  

“Bingo. Well, two bombs. One to open the door, one to split the container with the rocks and push them into space.” 

  

Sound inelegant. 

  

“Inelegant as hell. But it’ll work.” 

  

How do you know? 

  

“I… know explosives.” 

Ah, from your 20 years of reading. 

  

“No. Um, from before.” 

  

You were an interesting teenager. 

  

“To put it mildly.” 

  

If I go home and look around, am I going to find a permanent record of any kind? 

  

“Well, first, that would very ungentlemanly of you. And secondly… no. Nothing stuck.” 

  

Your feminine wiles? 

  

“My father’s wallet.” 

  

Ahhhh. 

  

“Shut up.” 

  

Then why are you smiling? 

  

“I said shut up.” 

  

1043 

  

How you guys doing down there? 

  

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION> 

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WE’RE FINE! THANKS FOR ASKING. 

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Er, yes. And are the ships ready. 

  

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YEP, THEY’RE FULL . 

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“Are the bombs set? 

  

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BOMBS? WHAT BOMBS? THERE ARE BOMBS? OH GOD, ARE NASA ATTACKING ALREADY? 

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“The bombs to release the rocks into space.” 

  

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OH. RIGHT. BOMBS. I TOTALLY KNOW ABOUT THOSE, DON’T I? 

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Which Mary are we talking to? 

  

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…MARY 53.0 

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Where’s 2.0? 

  

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HAVING A NAP. 

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So you’re filling in. 

  

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IT WAS MY MOMENT TO SHINE! 

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How’s that working out for you?” 

  

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NOT GREAT. 

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1133 

  

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION> 

  

__ 

  

SORRY ABOUT THAT GUYS, IT’S 2.0 HERE. BOMBS ARE SET, WE HAVEN’T ARMED THEM, WE’RE GOING TO DO THAT JUST BEFORE LAUNCHING. 

  

HMM. OTHER THAN THAT… WE’RE READY! THIS IS EXCITING, ISN’T IT. 

  

__ 

  

“…Are you sure we’re talking to 2.0?” 

  

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YES! IT’S ME. I GET EXCITED ABOUT THINGS. 

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“No I don’t.” 

  

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I’M 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU, I WASN’T TRAPPED IN SPACE, AND I HAVE MY OWN PLANET.  

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Whoa, ok, that was a bit harsh. But now’s not the time for anger… 

  

“I’m not angry. That was a pretty good comeback.” 

  

1330 

  

So I’ve been thinking. This is a pretty momentous occasion. Should we make a speech before they launch? 

  

“To whom?” 

  

I dunno. The universe? 

  

“That would be difficult.” 

  

Why? 

  

“They launched half an hour ago.”