May 9th,
2037
1631
Dear Space Diary
…It’s EMPTY?
“What does that mean?”
It means the fuel gauge is empty.
“Yes, but WHY is the fuel gauge empty?”
Because there’s no fuel left.
“Why are you avoiding the question?”
Because I don’t like the answer.
“What do you mean?”
Because. The only reason the fuel gauge would
be empty is if this was a one way trip. In other words, they never meant to
come back. On this ship at least.
“What are you doing?”
Looking out the window. There. I thought so.
There’s sealant all around the ship. NASA’s cooked up something heavy duty.
This little Interceptor is plugged into the side of the ship. Permanently.
Which means –
“…That the only way to Earth is on this ship.
We can’t escape them.”
Precisely. And that means only one thing.
“What’s that?”
We’re going to have to kill them.
1633
…Ok, I was expecting objections by this
point.
“Why? Sounds good to me.”
“I’ve never met them, but… sure, why not?”
I was just being dramatic.
“We can probably get some knives from the
kitchen.”
No.
“You’re right. Too much mess. Well, if we can
get them into the airlock without their suits.
NOBODY is killing ANYBODY. Ok?
“But –“
OK?
…
“Ok.”
“Ok.”
We’ll have to incapacitate them somehow. But
we’re not murderers. Agreed?
“Agreed.”
“Agreed.”
“Agreed.”
“Agreed.”
Excellent. Wait. How many people just
answered?
“Four.”
“Four.”
“Two.”
“Two.”
…How long have you two been standing there?
“A good ten minutes dude. Psych-out!”
“Attempted escape. And attempted murder too.
More charges to be laid.”
This isn’t what it looks like!
“And this isn’t knockout gas.”
PSSSSSSHHHHHHH
Actually I’m pretty sure it… oooooooooooh.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
May 23rd,
2037
0750
Dear Space Diary.
Uuuugh. Where am I?
“How do you plead?”
Um… I’m sorry, I don’t understand the
question.
“How do you plead?”
Am I in court right now?
“You are in a holding cell. How do you
plead?”
I plead give me a few more minutes to wake
up.
“Failure to answer will result in an
automatic guilty plea.”
Not guilty! Not guilty!
“A verdict of not guilty has been recorded.”
Now, what was it I didn’t do?
“The charges will be sent to your cell to
review before your trial.”
Does my lawyer also get a copy?
“Does who?”
Ah.
“This concludes the video conference.”
FZZZT
CLICK
Well. That was one of the stranger ways to
wake up.
Unless I’m still dreaming. Which seems quite
likely, given how freaking ridiculous that conversation was.
FZZZT
Great, more trial by television.
Hang on, it’s coming from over here.
0753
It’s a printer. It’s printing my charges.
Page 1 of… that number must be a typo.
0823
Or not. Still printing.
0845
CLICK
Well, that’s a lot of charges.
On the plus side, there’s no bedding in here,
so I guess I should be grateful for small mercies.
One thing is certain though. I’m not in space
anymore.
Dear Earth Diary.
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