135th Entry

March 23^rd, 2037

1013

Dear Space Diary

Fruit? You’re going to put 3.0’s DNA in fruit?

“Yes, let’s talk about this whole put my DNA in things.”

“Look, it’s very simple. I’ve been studying the sensors. They’re very clever. They’re also downright stupid. They scan for a DNA match for clones, and a quantity. But they look for organic cells. A large jar of her DNA simply wouldn’t cut it.”

“Oh, so now it’s a large jar.”

“I’ll address your paranoia in a moment. Look, all the system is scanning for is organic cells that contain a DNA match. It doesn’t care whether that’s animal, mineral, or vegetable. Provided minerals are alive.”

Which they aren’t.

“Depends who you ask.”

If you ask the sensors?

“Then they’re not alive.”

Ok then. So we stick her DNA –

“About that…”

- in some fruit, and the sensors will think there’s more clones on board?

“Yes.”

Excellent!

“In theory, anyway.”

In theory.

“Yes.”

Less excellent.

“I have two questions, guys.”

“Certainly.”

“One. Do I really have to put my DNA in fruit?”

“If it works, and if you want to go home, yes.”

“Ok… well that leads nicely into my second question. Can we work out if it works before we stick my DNA in things?”

That seems valid. Mary, can we do a test?

1052

“Ok, here’s what we’ve got. I’ve set this monitor to display a simple counter. It’s hooked up to the sensors. It’ll simply show how many DNA matches it’s currently scanning.”

Ok, fire it up.

BEEP

2. So it works.

“Yup.”

Wait, 2? TWO? There must be another clone on board! Quick, Mary, we’ve got to go find them!

“Slow down, genius. It’s scanning for all organic entities that match Mary’s DNA.”

Yes, so there’s someone else here that must match it.

“Yes. You know, I might have the same DNA. Given I gave life to them all. By using my DNA. Just possibly.”

…Oh yeah. So. How do we test this?

“Well, we now get some of Mary’s DNA and see if the counter goes up. Then we put it in something organic –“

Like fruit.

“- Like fruit, and then check the counter again.”

As simple as that?

“As simple as that.”

“Except for the part where you take my DNA with a bloody huge syringe! Or did you forget about that part?!”

Ok, 3.0, please calm down. We’re not going to using a syringe to take your DNA cells.

“Ok, good.”

We don’t have a syringe.

“…So what are you going to use?”

We’ll get back to you. It’ll probably have to be a lot more primitive and crude than a syringe.

“More crude than a sliver of metal you jab into someone’s arm?”

Yup.

“Have I mentioned that I REALLY don’t like this plan?”

Couple of times. Here, take this.

“A cotton bud on a stick?”

Yes. We’re going to use it to collect your DNA.

“Um. What exactly did you have in mind here?”