137th Entry

March 23rd, 2037
1430

Dear Space Diary

From my humble beginnings as Test Monkey to the Stars I have crashed my ship multiple times, stumbled across a 20 year castaway marooned alone on an alien planet, her 200 friends and the city she lived in. I’ve been kidnapped by robots, encountered a reverse psychology dog, and successfully shut down an illegal interstellar cloning operation. And now, finally, I may be able to go home.

By starting up an illegal interstellar cloning operation.

Sort of.

Mary’s been in the lab for a few hours. A cloning facility this is not but she thinks she may have the basic tools required for the rudimentary cloning of cells. I’m no scientist, so I’d say the words “cloning” and “rudimentary” don’t actually belong in the same sentence unless they’re separated by the words “is not” but Mary assures me that she’s hopeful that she can possibly come up with a theoretical solution. Maybe.

So basically I’m considering redecorating, as it looks like we’re going to be here for a while.

1530

Maybe it’ll take another hour to come up with a cloning process to create human fruit hybrids.

…I think there’s probably a horror movie in that somewhere.

1600

The thing I missed about space travel?

The majesty of space. I’ll admit space is pretty majestic. Especially if you’re near an exploding supernova or something. And by near, I mean half a galaxy away.

The thing I don’t miss? The soul crushing boredom.

I can literally feel my soul being crushed. Or maybe that’s my foot.

“Sorry.”

Can I help you, 3.0?

“Well I thought we could have a chat.”

What about?

“Our future.”

Um, ok, what about it?

“We… we don’t have one, do we?”

…Kind of not, no. Sorry. We barely know each other. And I have a fiancé. And even though you look 20, you’re like, 2. I think you’re a little young to start dating.

“What are you, my father?”

Old enough to be. Sorry Mary. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.

“Yeah. Guess I knew that.”

So why did you stay on the ship?

“Well, I didn’t know it that much.”

Ah.

“Yeah.”

…Need a hug?

“That’d be pretty awesome.”

1612

“So, you’re fiancé. Is she prettier than me?”

I thought we’d sorted this out?

“I’m just asking.”

She’s pretty, yes. Very pretty.

“Good. And do you love her?”

I do. Very much.

“And she’ll be waiting for you?”

Yes. I’ve only been gone a few months. She doesn’t even know I’m not meant to be out here. Although, I am, NASA just didn’t tell anyone that I wasn’t. Argh, this is complicated.

“Don’t worry, I know what you mean. And I’m glad. Not that you’re out here, that you’ve got someone out there. Waiting fro you.”

Thank you, Mary. I’m sure you’ll find someone too, once we’re back. You’ll be famous, after all.

“Will you be jealous of them?”

Mary…

“Now I’m just messing with you.”