142nd Entry

March 26^th, 2037

1103

Dear Space Diary

Have we jumped to light speed yet?

“I dunno. I was going to ask you. I’ve never travelled at light speed.”

But… you know everything.

“Not everything. Just more than you. Which could say a lot or a little, depending on how malicious I’m feeling.”

How malicious are you feeling?

“Not very. We’re going home!”

Unless we don’t actually jump to lightspeed.

“What’s it like?”

Well, from my limited personal experience, it feels like your stomach explodes, and then your clock stops working for a few days.

“Enlightening. Well, we’ve been speeding up for the last day or so, maybe it needs to get to a certain speed before it can – as you put it – jump.”

Well, how long until we reach lightspeed? You’re good with maths.

“Well, there’s the speed there, on that screen. How long until we reach lightspeed?”

Um…

“You don’t know how fast lightspeed is, do you?”

I have other talents.

“I can only imagine.”

You’ve got quite a sarcastic streak.

“And I fit right in here.”

…true.

“Ok, I’m sorry. Your question is a little misleading I think anyway. Given they have separate engines for regular speed, and for light speed, it wouldn’t necessarily need to reach light speed before it could travel at light speed. It could just, well, jump to that speed.”

So here’s my question then. Why hasn’t it done that yet?

“…That’s a very good question.”

1127

I don’t get it. NASA haven’t exactly left a manual lying around, but… as far as I can tell, the engines should have jumped to light speed.

“I agree. We’re not near any planets or heavy gravitational pull, the engines are receiving signals, and the fuel gauge is full. So why aren’t we jumping?”

“Frogs primarily jump to escape predators.”

Hello 3.0.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Well, the faster than light engine isn’t firing. So we’re still travelling at normal speed.

“Do we need more grapefruit?”

“No,  that won’t help sadly. As far as I can tell, the engines should have fired. They just… haven’t.”

“Well, fix them! You’re smart. You can do this.”

“I… I don’t know how. At all. I don’t even know where to start.”

“So who would know?”

…NASA.

“Great! Let’s ask them.”

“No!”

No!

“Whoa. Passionate response. Why not?”

NASA, or whoever took them over, are the reason we’re out here in the first place. They lied to me when they sent me out here. Said I’d be gone two weeks and only go to the edge of the solar system. Then my ship malfunctioned accidentally on purpose, sending me all the way out here.

“They told me I was going to Mars and they’d bring me back home to Earth. Instead, they were sending me on a one way trip to be used as a farm for cloning cells.”

NASA sent us out here. They’re not interested in bringing us home.

“Exactly.”

Plus, I kind of yelled at them earlier.

“…What?”