March 26th, 2037
2103
Dear Space Diary
So that took a little longer than I anticipated, but the questionnaire is done. Mary did a couple of –
“Hundred.”
- questions as well. Have sent them back to NASA, hopefully they’ll get back to us with a response quickly.
March 27th, 2037
1130
<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>
__
THANK YOU FOR APPLYING FOR WARRANTY PROTECTION OF YOUR <INSERT SHIP HERE> PROVIDED BY NASA.
WE UNDERSTAND YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE AND WOULD LIKE TO ASSURE YOU WE WILL BEGIN ASSESSING THE ERRORS WITH YOUR SPACECRAFT AS SOON AS THE 72 HOUR WARRANTY EVALUATION PERIOD HAS ELAPSED.
WE WILL THEN RESPOND TO YOUR QUERY WITHIN 1-2 BUSINESS WEEKS.
IF YOUR PROBLEM RELATES TO A CRITICAL LIFE SUPPORT FAILURE, WHICH HAS A REQUIRED RESPONSE TIME OF 30 MINUTES, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY ALREADY DEAD, FOR WHICH WE APOLOGISE.
THIS IS AN AUTOMATED REPLY. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE, AS YOU WILL (AUTOMATICALLY) NOT RECEIVE A REPLY.
WE WILL REPLY AS SOON AS WE ARE ABLE, SO WATCH THIS SPACE.
…GET IT?
__
<END TRANSMISSION>
Great. Just great.
1210
Back to being bored in space.
1225
Wheeeeeeeeeeee.
1330
“Hey, you busy?”
Not even close. What’s up?
“I’m up to P.”
Bathroom’s that way. I would hope you knew that by now.
“The letter P, moron.”
I’m the moron? You didn’t know where the bathroom was.
“I KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS!”
Sorry, just unbelievably bored.
“Me too. There’s only so much knowledge you can take in at once.”
How’s that going?
“The orange is a hybrid fruit thought to date back to ancient times.”
No P one?
“Nah, P’s boring.”
Preposterous.
“Shut up.”
1800
“What’s for dinner?”
It’s your turn to cook.
“We don’t need to cook. It’s all automatic.”
It’s your turn to press the button then.
“But I pressed it last night!”
1830
“Your turn to do the dishes.”
I didn’t use any dishes.
“Yes, and it was disgusting. Now clean up. Your turn, and I cooked.”
I don’t see why I should have to wash dishes if I didn’t use any.
“I didn’t make the rules.”
Yes you did.
2200
3.0!
“Yeah, what?”
Can you turn down the music please.
“It’s just music.”
I’m trying to sleep.
“At 10 o’clock? Oldie.”
“I’m like 10 years older than you.”
2220
I’m not kidding. Turn the music down.
“You’re just unable to cope with our edgy new music, Granpa.”
You’re listening to Frank Sinatra.
“And he’s awesome. So what’s your problem?”
I’m trying to sleep!
“And I’m trying to listen to music. You’re making it very difficult.”
“WILL BOTH OF YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”
March 28th, 2037
0813
“WHO LEFT THEIR TOWEL ON THE FLOOR?”
Sorry Mary…
“Thanks for covering for me.”
“I heard that.”
“Crap.”
March 29th, 2037
1333
Don’t throw out your apple peel one more time…
“And what?”
…And I’ll pick it up too.
“Good man.”
March 30th, 2037
1644
Forget Earth, I think we’re all going to kill each other first.
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