April 1st, 2037
1307
Dear Space Diary
“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Ok, deep breaths. Don’t panic. You’re in space. You’re in a suit. You’re safe. It’s ok. Don’t think about the fact that if the suit develops a puncture, you will no longer be safe, or ok, and it will be a perfect opportunity for panic.
It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s –
“You gotta try this!”
I really don’t.
“Awww. Live a little.”
That’s what I’m trying to do. Now come on. Can we keep moving. We’re out here to fix the engine.
“You’re out here to fix the engine. I’m out here to be in space.”
You do realise it’s dangerous out here?
“By dangerous, do you mean fun?”
No. No I do not. Ok, new plan. You float here and have fun, and I’ll go repair the engine.
“Good plan! I like it.”
Great. Off you go then.
“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
1315
“You know, if you want to repair the engine, you might have to, actually, you know, move.”
Thank you for your advice. This is hard, ok? It’s not easy to move around in space.
“I just did a triple somersault.”
You’re not helping. Ok, here goes. Grab the nearest handle. Done. Now the other hand.
Hey, I did it. I can move. I’m moving!
“Quadruple somersault!”
Shut up, 3.0.
1325
Mary, can you hear me?
“This is Command. I read you loud and clear, Cannon Fodder.”
Cannon Fodder? Wait, Command?
“I thought we needed code names.”
Why?
“In case anyone’s listening in.”
Oh.
“Mostly I’m just bored.”
Does it have to be cannon fodder?
“Yes. I thought it would play nicely off your paranoia.”
You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?
“Immeasurably. What can I do for you?”
I’ve reached the edge of the main hull. The engine’s to my left.
“Ok. Can you see a loose wire.”
No.
“No?”
I can see about 40 loose wires.
“40! That’s… how?”
I don’t know. But there they are, all hanging out and wafting gently in the… does space have breeze?
“No. Well, sort of. But mostly no.”
What do we do?
“Well, unless we reconnect them, we’re not going anywhere fast. Take a closer look, see if you can see how they came loose.”
Ok. Hang on.
1335
“Are you there yet?”
Nearly.
“What’s the hold up.”
The giant rocket engine and fiery death that’s metres away?
“You do love to dramatize, don’t you?”
GIANT. FIERY. DEATH.
“Yeah, yeah. Can you see problem yet?”
Almost. Hang on, I’ll climb a bit closer. To the giant fiery death.
“Cool. I’ll see if there are any more marshmallows.”
1340
“Watcha doing?”
Tempting fate.
“I’m practicing my bungee jumps.”
That cord is supplying your oxygen!
“And it’s quite springy too.”
1345
I’m here. A panel came lose, that’s the first problem. The wires are exposed.
“So they came loose?”
Nope, they’ve been torn out.
“Torn? By whom?”
I’m no tooth mark expert, but either 3.0 hasn’t had her rabies shot, which she probably hasn’t, or… Bobo.
“…Stupid Bobo.”
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