146th Entry

March 31st, 2037

1007

Dear Space Diary 

<INCOMING TRANSMISSION>

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WE APOLOGISE FOR THE PREVIOUS AUTOMATED RESPONSE. THIS IS A STANDARD RESPONSE SINCE THE PRIVITISATION OF NASA FOR ALL OF OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS, AND YOU AS WELL!

NO WARRANTY PERIOD WILL APPLY FOR OFFICIAL NASA PERIODS AND ALL DIY REPAIRS AND MESSAGE BASED TECHNICAL SUPPORT ARE INCLUDED ON TOP OF YOUR SALARY (MINUS TAXES).

PLEASE NOTE THAT “ON SITE” TECHNICIAN CALL OUTS ARE NOT INCLUDED ON INTERSTELLAR FLIGHTS. THE QUOTE FOR AN INTERSTELLAR CALL OUT IS A CONVENIENT FLAT FEE FOR ALL OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS, AND YOU AS WELL!

THE FEE IS 17 BILLION DOLLARS. PLUS TAXES. 3% DISCOUNT FOR YOUR THIRD CALL OUT, AND FOR NASA+ MEMBERS.

ATTACHED IS THE TECHNICAL INFORMATION AND TROUBLESHOOTING STEPS FOR YOUR <ENGINE> . IF YOU HAVE ANY ISSUES OR ARE UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE LET US KNOW.

P.S. YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS, BUT WE MUST POINT OUT THAT ANY  DAMAGE TO THE SHIP DUE TO “DOMESTIC” DISTURBANCES WILL BE DEDUCTED FROM YOUR SALARY. PLUS TAXES.

-NASA I.T.

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<END TRANSMISSION>

…I wonder how much money I actually have. Probably not 17 Billion. Maybe I should think of joining NASA+.

1010

…nah.

1030

Mary, NASA have sent us the troubleshooting steps.

“I know. They sent it 20 minutes ago. Where have you been?”

I had to go to the toilet.

“For 20 minutes?”

…And then may have come via the kitchen. Hang on, how do you know they sent it.

“I’ve been reading your mail.”

What? Why?

“Couple of reasons. I figured understanding the computer system would help when working on the engines.”

And?

“I was bored.”

Oh. And do you have anything to say.

“I agree. We are hilarious.”

So not what I meant. Anyway, can we repair the ship?

“Well, there are a few tests to run, which will hopefully highlight where the problem is. NASA have as usual been very verbose, but in this case I don’t mind.  They’ve got a bunch of repair options, provided they’ve covered all the angles we should be set.”

Sounds good to me! Let’s go then! This isn’t a time for sitting around on the computer, this is a time for action! What’s the first test?

“Running a 16 hour diagnostic test on the computer.”

…Yay.

April 1^st, 2037

0230

Mary, are you awake?

ZZZZZZZZZ

Mary!

“Urrrrgh. Wha… Oh, it’s you. What is it?”

The test should be done by now.

“It’s two in the morning.”

It’s time for action!

“Two in the morning is not the time for action.”

Can’t you take a look at the results?

“Look, yes. Understand, no. Wake me in 8 hours.”

Sigh. Fine.

“With breakfast.”

1100

Come on, Mary, it’s been 24 hours! I want to go home.

“And I do too, but if I’m going to do diagnostic and repairs, I need to be energised and well fed. So let me just cook one more batch of scrambled eggs –“

MARY!

“I’m kidding. Let’s go home.”