148th Entry

April 1^st, 2037

1221

Dear Space Diary

“Can you hear me?”

…

“Radio check. Can you hear me?”

…

“You can’t hear me?”

No.

“Then how did you hear that?”

…Crap.

“You can stop being angry at me whenever you like, there’s really no other option.”

I don’t wanna go into space.

“Poor baby. Now, come on, this could literally save your life. Can you hear me?”

You know I can.

“We have to do this by the book. Can you hear me?”

Sigh. Yes.

“Ok good. Next I need to check the flow of oxygen to your suit is sufficient. Given you haven’t dropped dead in the last ten minutes; I’ll go ahead and give that a tick. And just check the computer… Ok, vitals are good and being tracked. You’re unlikely to die, and if you do at least we’ll know about it. “

I feel so reassured.

“Good to know. Ok, take a look at the monitor. The door is here.”

At the front of the ship?

“Yes. And the wire you need to fix is by the engine… here.”

All the way at the other end of the ship?

“Correct.”

Sigh.

“No sighing. It comes through really loud over the radio.”

Sorry.

“You should be.”

Sigh.

“Stop that!”

1242

“3.0, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, boss!”

Aargh!

“What is it?”

Chirpy loud optimism and radio don’t mix.

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

No, I didn’t mean to… oh never mind. Be happy. Happy is good. But quiet happy while we’re on radio please.

“How’s this?”

That’s better.

“Or this?”

That’s too quiet.

1301

“Ok. Good. You guys are good to go.”

“Yay!”

Argh!

“…yay.”

“When you’re ready, I’ll open the airlock, and you guys can step out into space.”

And drift off into the ever black void?

“You’re quite paranoid about this aren’t you? Once again, you are tethered to the ship. That cable connected to your suit anchors you to the ship. Should you lose your grip, you could simply pull your way back in.”

Is it strong?

“Extremely. Chances of it breaking are next to remote.”

Good.

“Although the cable is also supplying your oxygen. So don’t break it.”

But you said –

“Time to go!”

…the door’s not opening.

“I have to depressurize the airlock first. Otherwise the air would burst from the airlock. Blowing you into space. At which point you would drift off into the ever black void. You know. That thing you didn’t want to do.”

Ok, ok fine. I suppose I should be happy to be able to wait a few more minutes before I have to –

“It’s done! Off you go.”

1305

So here I am. In space.

Well, more so.

Just a spacesuit and a reportedly unbreakable cable protecting me from freezing asphyxiating death.

Mary’s assured me that should that happen; my head is unlikely to explode. Apparently I watch too many bad science-fiction movies.

I suppose at this point I should take in the majesty of-

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”