0637
Dear Space Diary
“What am I doing in the tank? Get me out!”
Not until we’re sure you’re not going to do.
“When will that be? When I die of natural causes?”
Ok, I know you’re
upset –
“It’s not even my tank. This is someone elses… vat juice?
Ewwwwwww!”
- But we did just save your life. So how about you take a
few deep breaths, and say thank you.
*deep breath*
There we go.
“GET ME OUT OF HERE!”
Ok, enough 3.0. Sorry. You were dying. We needed to save
you, and we thought this might work.
“Yeah. Right. I guess I should say thank you. Thank you.”
You’re welcome. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need –
“Wait, you thought? You thought
this might work? What if it killed me more?”
…Killed you more?
“I AM UNDER GREAT STRESS AND ANXIETY, I AM NOT CONCERNED
ABOUT MY USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.”
Seriously, chill out.
“Chill out? CHILL OUT? Let me tell you something about
chilling out!”
0657
…Finished?
“Yes.”
Feel better?
“Yes thank you.”
That was quite a tirade.
“Sorry. Needed to get it off my chest.”
I mean, I don’t even own a horse.
“Got a little carried away. Shall we move on?”
Sure.
“You did save my life. Thank you.”
Anytime.
“I can get through this. I’ll need your help. But, I trust
you. You’ve always been there for me. I know you’ll never leave my side.”
Absolutely. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s something
really important I need to do. I’ll be right back.
“…What?”
0702
“Coffee?”
Hell yes. Can you bring it in? I’ve got to send a message
to 2.0 right away.
“Great, I’ll come with you. They’ll need some instructions
to reactivate the clone facility… what’s that noise?”
What noise?
“The cacophony of insults and threats.”
Oh that. 3.0 is having some difficulty adjusting to her
current living arrangements.
“I didn’t even know you owned a horse.”
Tell me about it.
0706
Ok, open communication protocols.
“You mean open Outlook?”
…My way sounds cooler.
“Yes dear.”
Ok. Ahem. Dear, 2.0 –
“Hang on, there’s a message here. We mustn’t have listened
to them all.”
Load it up.
“Also, it’s not a job interview.”
Yeah, yeah. Come on, this could save lives.
<LOADING MESSAGE 37>
__
SO COLD. SO VERY COLD. I’M THE ONLY ONE LEFT. THEY’RE…
THEY’RE ALL DEAD.
I ONLY HAVE MOMENTS LEFT.
IF ONLY MY FRIENDS HAD CONTACTED ME. IF ONLY THEY COULD
HAVE SAVED ME.
WITH MY LAST BREATH… I DIE.
…EEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRKKKK.
__
Oh no. We’re too late.
“Sounds that way.”
This is… this is horrible!
“Yup. Horrible.”
…You don’t sound too convinced.
“Wait for it…”
__
…FOOLED YOU!
YEAH OK, SO I’M NOT DEAD. I PUT THEM IN THE CLONE FACILITY
AND THEY’RE DOING GREAT! I GUESS I WAS OK BECAUSE I’D ALREADY BEEN IN?
I BET YOU WERE ALL “OH NOES, OUR FRIEND IS DEAD. WE ARE SO
SAD.”
NOW ANSWER YOUR DAMN MESSAGES.
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