119th Entry

March 21^st, 2037

1630

Dear Space Diary

It’s been hours. The facility is still running, Mary is still hard at work, and I’m bored.

Plus I’ve run out of letters for I Spy.

I would give anything for Mary to round the corner right now and say it’s done, we can go home now.

“It’s done. We can go home now.”

…really?

“Yup. What are you going to give me?”

What?

“You said you would give anything for me to come round the corner, which I did, and say it’s done.”

Is it actually done?

“It’s actually done.”

Excellent.

“So what do I get?”

…Gratitude?

“Nope.”

A hug?

“Good God, no.”

An IOU?

“Keep guessing?”

You really want something?

“You said you’d give something.”

Anything in particular?

“I dunno. What have you got?”

Well, I have my wrist watch.

“I’m not taking your wrist watch.”

Good, because I’m not giving it to you.

“So what do I get?”

Um, to go home?

“…touche.”

1700

So there’s a problem we haven’t considered yet.

“Highly unlikely. If I can cast modesty to the wind for a moment -”

For a moment?

“You must allow that I’ve covered every possible factor. The facility is shutting down as we speak. This will release the clones unharmed. They can then head to the city, and live a long, happy life, free from the evil oppression of corporations and men. No offense.”

Most certainly taken, but continue.

“Meanwhile, we go back to our ships, tether the Zubrin to your ship, launch, fire the ftl drive, and get ourselves home. Flawless.”

I agree it sounds a highly effective plan. But unfortunately I must point out one small flaw.

“Flaw? I doubt it.”

We release the clones unharmed.

“And then they go live in the city.”

So the clones go live in the city.

“Yes! It’s there, it’s empty, it’s fully serviced. I’m reprogamming the lightdogs to make them basically the equivalent of butlers. They’ll be pampered and waited on til the day they die. What possible problem could you have?”

Look, where are we?

“…Ok fine I’ll humour you. We’re in the cloning facility.”

And where is the city?

“Well it’s over there. You just walk to it.”

And so all the clones, they presumably would walk to it to.

“…oh.”

Through an atmosphere filled with lead, that it’s lethal to be out in for more than about half an hour?

“…ah.”

And it’s a good hour to walk briskly?

“…bugger.”

Indeed. In fact, this facility isn’t sealed, so the moment we let them out of those tanks, they’ve got 30 minutes to climb out, go up the stairs, do the walk, and get into the city. That’s pretty impossible.

“Ten bucks says that I can do this.”

You’re on. Find us a way to get the clones from here to the city without killing them with lead, and you win.

“Deal.”

You know I don’t actually have any money.

“…Can I have that IOU after all?”