127th Entry

March 22^nd, 2037

1715

Dear Space Diary

COURSE TO EARTH SET. 5 MINUTES UNTIL LAUNCH

…is that the intercom over there?

“I think so.”

CLICK

Could I have all the clones in the dining area please? Kind of now. Well, really now.

1717

So we have a problem. There’s an autopilot. It’s going to Earth, it’s leaving in 5 minutes, and it’s taking you all with it.

“WHAT?”

We just found out, I’m sorry.

“You tricked us! I don’t love you anymore!”

Well it isn’t all bad then.

“Hey!”

Joke. Lightening the situation.

“And using up valuable time!”

Look, we didn’t trick you, I promise. We had no idea NASA had programmed the autopilot to lock course the moment it confirmed you were all aboard. But they have. And we don’t have time to turn it off. Unless we can think of something in the next two and a half minutes. So it’s game time. We can do this. How do we get out of this?

1720

3… 2… 1… BLAST OFF.

PHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPH

1721

Meeting adjourned.

1733

We’re in space.

Hello space. It’s been a while.

Still not talking to me? Fair enough.

“…Who are you talking to?”

Space, you know.

“Yeah, I kind of do.”

So. What are we going to do?

“I really don’t know. Mixed feelings. We’re going home! But…”

Yeah. But.

“How are they taking it?”

Not especially well.

“I wouldn’t have, either.”

Well, they are you.

“Not anymore. Maybe at the start. But they’ve, well, grown. Literally. 2.0;s been a big influence. They’re not my… clonebabies… anymore. They never were, actually.”

Clonebabies?

“Shut up.”

Suggestion noted. Any ideas on how to get them back to Splat?

“None come to mind.”

So, we have trapped –

“Accidentally.”

- Accidentally trapped over a hundred innocent souls -

“Do clones have souls?”

…I don’t think this is the time for philosophy.

“We’ve just doomed over a hundred maybe-souls. I think this is the perfect time for philosophy.”

I think this is the perfect time for action.

“Great. What action?”

I don’t know.

“Precisely. So unless you can think of an actual solution, I think you need to get out of your escapist attitude and accept the reality you’re in, nitwit. We’ve done this, and we just need to face facts and... why are you staring at my shoulder?”

I’m not. I’m staring past your shoulder. What did you just say?

“Unless you can think of an actual solution?”

After that.

“Nitwit?”

Before that.

“…get out of your escapist –“

Bingo. Do we have any escape pods on board?

“…that’s a very good question.”

1800

I was half expecting the answer to be no, but as it turns out we have a full complement escape pods.  They’re below deck, you go down a hatch way and reach a departure bay lined with pods. Each is pretty roomy, with seating for five adults.

And one baby.

…NASA I’m not entirely sure what you expected was going to happen on this trip.