February 22nd,
2037 – 3 DAYS UNTIL IMPACT
0843
Dear Space
Diary.
23 hours,
and 291 repeats of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” later, NASA have finally worked out
how to turn the music off. Despite the instructions I received, I am extremely
worried and not at all happy, although before the music stopped I was beginning
to look forward to crashing into the nearest planet, so I guess that’s
something.
0915
NASA have
promised to not try and reduce my stress in future. This has calmed me down
immensely.
0925
I just
realised according to the original schedule I should have been back on Earth
yesterday. Evidently I’ve missed that particular window. I should ask NASA what
they’ve said regarding my absence.
1035
NASA have
forwarded me a copy of yesterday’s newspaper. I can only assume the following
article refers to me.
<ATTACHMENT>
AN
ENLIGHTENING JOURNEY
- Faster
Than Light Mission Extended.
NASA
officials universally voted to prolong their highly successful and informative
test of the new faster than light (ftl) technology, originally due to return
today.
“The ship
performed even better than we expected” a key official was quoted as saying.
“So we’ve decided to keep the ship going, as this is an amazing opportunity to
test its effects outside of our own solar system. Everything will be fine so
long as we don’t crash into a planet or anything, although you shouldn’t be
surprised if that happens,” he joked.
NASA also
announced due to their new sponsorship deal with PETA that competition winner
“Bobo the Wonder Dog” will be the first animal to be sent into space in 50
years. NASA have yet to confirm dates, but…”
<END
ATTACHMENT>
What follows
is a 6 page spread about Bobo, the dog that has won the heart of the world.
1410
NASA have
found me a planet to crash into. I’m not sure what my response to that is
supposed to be.
The planet,
which they’ve codenamed Splat, is a small, fairly rocky
planet with no visible oceans and an atmosphere that has been described as
“Mildly Lethal” in the report they’ve sent me. The rock where I’ll be landing
is very soft and sponge like, and is the nearest planet to provide a change of
survival in the double digits.
NASA have
begun adjusting the steering of the ship. I’m going to crash in three days’
time.
2210
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