March 3rd,
2037
0800
Dear Space
Diary.
Current
Status of Mission:
Stuck Down a
Hole
Current
Mission Objective:
Get Out of
Hole
Personal
Goals & Aspirations:
Not Be Stuck
in a Hole
NASA, after
trying various unsuccessful ways to bribe me into exploring the planet they
very cleverly managed to crash me in to, have finally admitted that the space
tow truck they’re sending to get me won’t actually be able to fish me out of
the hole that they’ve landed me in. Unless they or I can think of a way to get
this ship to the surface, I’m stuck down here.
So it
appears I’m going exploring. Or at least, I will be, once I get out of there.
There’s literally nothing to see down here. It’s too dark to even see the rock
surrounding me, though presumably if I could look up I would see a light at the
end of the tunnel.
How very metaphorical.
In fact,
that’s probably the first thing to work out. I’m strapped in pretty well, but
as far as I can ascertain, gravity is… that way. Effectively I’m facing
straight down, so it looks like the ship had a pretty clean ride after impact.
This rock must be extremely soft.
NASA have
been quiet for a while now. Any ideas yet, guys?
1400
Nope.
1500
Finally a
response. NASA advised their plan is to turn me around is to fire the engines
in very short bursts to spin the craft around, and then fire them to shoot me
back out the same way I came in.
Which sounds
like an excellent plan, except:
- Given how far away we are, it will be very difficult to control the engines with that amount of precision. If you fire it in the wrong direction, it’ll take half an hour for the message to correct it to come through.
- As I’ve reminded NASA on numerous occasions, the reason I’m out here in the first place is because once you turn the ftl drive on, you can’t actually turn it off again.
- Most importantly, we just spent the last two weeks breaking the very engines you now wish to use.
Your move,
guys.
1700
NASA have
advised me that they don’t like my tone.
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